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Off Topic Dogs, Doggers and Dogging

Discussion in 'Newcastle United' started by cronemeister, Mar 13, 2019.

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  1. cronemeister

    cronemeister Well-Known Member

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    Spawned from the off topic discussions from the off topic golf thread, go nuts....or fetch :1980_boogie_down:
     
    #1
    cronemeister, Mar 13, 2019
    Dorty Dogbreath likes this.
  2. jimileysbaldhead

    jimileysbaldhead Well-Known Member

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    Not quite a dog story, I see Mick Hucknall's been arrested for having sex with a rabbit. Police said he was holding back the ears and singing bunny's too tight to mention.
     
    #2
    jimileysbaldhead, Mar 13, 2019
    Magpie Fozz, Consett Mag, It's_all_Greek_to_me and 4 others like this.
  3. Dorty Dogbreath

    Dorty Dogbreath keeper of the glow

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    Chocolate labs, don't get me started <grr>
     
    #3
    Dorty Dogbreath, Mar 13, 2019
  4. Albert's Chip Shop

    Albert's Chip Shop Top Grafter Forum Moderator

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    white dog **** is no more.

    RIP white dog ****.
     
    #4
    Albert's Chip Shop, Mar 13, 2019
    Dorty Dogbreath and jimileysbaldhead like this.
  5. jimileysbaldhead

    jimileysbaldhead Well-Known Member

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    With living out in the country I've developed a bit of a nose for dogging sites.

    dicknose.jpg
     
    #5
    jimileysbaldhead, Mar 13, 2019
    JakartaToon and cronemeister like this.
  6. cronemeister

    cronemeister Well-Known Member

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    Ahh....the hybrid labrador, what a ****ing pain in the arse those things are. Mate of mine has just got one (mainly for the kids), it's currently chewing everything in sight to bits <laugh>
     
    #6
    cronemeister, Mar 13, 2019
    Dorty Dogbreath likes this.

  7. Charlie Dogscock

    Charlie Dogscock Well-Known Member

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    Dunno what's going on here, so I'll just drop in my favourite dog joke:

    What's got 2 legs and bleeds? Half a dog.
     
    #7
    Charlie Dogscock, Mar 13, 2019
    Dorty Dogbreath and cronemeister like this.
  8. cronemeister

    cronemeister Well-Known Member

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    I have a good dog joke as well (it's the Mrs' favourite actually)

    Dog Owner - My dog has no nose
    Stranger - Really.....how does he smell?
    Dog Owner - ****ing terrible!

    <laugh>
     
    #8
    cronemeister, Mar 13, 2019
    Dorty Dogbreath likes this.
  9. jimileysbaldhead

    jimileysbaldhead Well-Known Member

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    A bloke walks up to a bus stop and there's a bloke there with a dog. The fella says " does your dog bite?"
    The bloke replies " no " , so the fella bends down to stroke the dog and it takes his hand off.
    He says " you c@nt, you told me your dog doesn't bite "
    The fella says " it doesn't, that's not my dog "
     
    #9
    jimileysbaldhead, Mar 13, 2019
    JakartaToon and Spurlock like this.
  10. Red Hadron Collider

    Red Hadron Collider The Hammerhead

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    ****ing hell, lads <yikes>
     
    #10
    Red Hadron Collider, Mar 13, 2019
    cronemeister and jimileysbaldhead like this.
  11. Warmir Pouchov

    Warmir Pouchov Better than JPF

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    I met Elkie Brooks at Crufts and asked her if I could guess the name of her dog. "Yes", she said, "but you're a fool if you think it's Rover".
     
    #11
    Warmir Pouchov, Mar 13, 2019
    jimileysbaldhead and Dorty Dogbreath like this.
  12. Warmir Pouchov

    Warmir Pouchov Better than JPF

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    When I was younger, I first really developed an understanding of what sex was by seeing the dogs in our house engaging in it. Only when I was older though, did I realise that my uncle shouldn't have been doing that to them.
     
    #12
    Warmir Pouchov, Mar 13, 2019
    jimileysbaldhead and Dorty Dogbreath like this.
  13. Warmir Pouchov

    Warmir Pouchov Better than JPF

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    My budgie flew out of it's cage a few months ago and started ****ing the dog.... I got some puppies going cheep if anyones interested?
     
    #13
    Warmir Pouchov, Mar 13, 2019
    JakartaToon and jimileysbaldhead like this.
  14. Dorty Dogbreath

    Dorty Dogbreath keeper of the glow

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    <laugh>
     
    #14
    Dorty Dogbreath, Mar 13, 2019
  15. jimileysbaldhead

    jimileysbaldhead Well-Known Member

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    I was looking out of the window this morning and there was a couple of dogs shagging on the pavement. I called the missus over and asked if she fancied doing it like that.
    She said " Yes, but only if we go where nobody knows us "
     
    #15
    jimileysbaldhead, Mar 13, 2019
    Warmir Pouchov likes this.
  16. the_gateshead_ninja

    the_gateshead_ninja Active Member

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    I'm sure I read that this is because dog food doesn't have bone particles in it anymore
     
    #16
    the_gateshead_ninja, Mar 13, 2019
    Warmir Pouchov and Albert's Chip Shop like this.
  17. Warmir Pouchov

    Warmir Pouchov Better than JPF

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    The mystery is finally solved. It has almost simultaneously added another layer to the saying "give the dog a bone", it now has three possible meanings

    1. Literally just giving the dog a bone because they like them
    2. Putting bone particles in the food of a dog
    3. What Roy Keane interpreted it as
     
    #17
    Warmir Pouchov, Mar 14, 2019
    jimileysbaldhead likes this.
  18. jimileysbaldhead

    jimileysbaldhead Well-Known Member

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    When I was a kid I thought it was white poodle sh!t.
     
    #18
    jimileysbaldhead, Mar 14, 2019
  19. jimileysbaldhead

    jimileysbaldhead Well-Known Member

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    Missing: Black and white cat, very very intelligent.

    Tiddles, if you're reading this please come home.
     
    #19
    jimileysbaldhead, Mar 15, 2019
    cronemeister and GeordieHalfbreed like this.
  20. cronemeister

    cronemeister Well-Known Member

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    just reminded me of this:-

    http://www.27bslash6.com/missy.html
     
    #20
    cronemeister, Mar 15, 2019
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