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"Dear Meowthrie"

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by pompeymeowth, Sep 5, 2011.

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  1. Saint Possum

    Saint Possum Well-Known Member

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    As always Lord Meowthrie' You have shown wiseness beyond your years and your wit is a pleasure to read.
    A very interesting problem Lord D has lol
    But alas i feel there is little hope for Woopert, Humour is in the Blood, Red or Blue
     
    #21
    Saint Possum, Sep 7, 2011
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    How dare you Possum - my concerns for my poor neighbours is genuine, as the last thing I want to see is them ending up with egg on their faces, and being mocked by other neighbours from say Brighton or Bournemouth................
     
    #22
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 7, 2011
  3. frattonfunkdaddy

    frattonfunkdaddy Member

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    Dear Meowthrie,

    I have a dilemma. Tomorrow is my 29th wedding anniversary. Pompey are at Upton Park and I am also due to participate in a sea angling match in the evening.. This is not giving me a lot of time to devote to 'er indoors. She's been a good old stick over the years and feel I must forfeit something to enable me to make her day..but what is the question?
     
    #23
    frattonfunkdaddy, Sep 9, 2011
  4. Channonfodder

    Channonfodder Rebel without a clue.....

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    I don't really see what the problem is here. Surely there is a Little Chef or similar between the football and the angling where she meet you for a cod and chips?
    Don't forget to biro a quick card. Women seem to care about that stuff.
    If you are tight for time, encourage her to go for an omelette or to have her steak rare, as it cooks quicker.
    Get a key to a mates gaff as a bit of insurance though ......;)
     
    #24
    Channonfodder, Sep 9, 2011
  5. Leading Fish in Hants

    Leading Fish in Hants Active Member

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    Take her to London with you and leave her at the shops for a few hours - after 29 years she'll be happier shopping without you anyway.
     
    #25
    Leading Fish in Hants, Sep 9, 2011
  6. frattonfunkdaddy

    frattonfunkdaddy Member

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    Fine words of wisdom from you both <laugh> LFinH...I have to say..you are SO right.
     
    #26
    frattonfunkdaddy, Sep 9, 2011
  7. Lord Duckhunter

    Lord Duckhunter New Member

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    After 29 years married to FFD, it should be her writing to "Dear Meowthrie"
     
    #27
    Lord Duckhunter, Sep 9, 2011
  8. Richisontheboat33

    Richisontheboat33 Guest

    Dear Meowthrie,
    I'm having problems at the moment and I don't know where to turn. The facts are these. Quite simply my team is on fire. They go out and play scintillating 'pass and move' football, opposition teams struggle to keep up the pace, they score goals for fun and they have been tagged as the South Coast Brazil. We are 2nd in our respective league and we won a paint pot recently which is HUGE and SHINY.

    All of this has pushed me out of my comfort zone. I preferred it when I used to turn up at a match not expecting to win and to get involved in a relegation scrap every year.

    My GP is sick of the sight of me so you are my only hope meowthrie.

    P.S can you tell me why nice girls don't talk to me :(
     
    #28
    Richisontheboat33, Sep 9, 2011
  9. frattonfunkdaddy

    frattonfunkdaddy Member

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    I think I can deal with this one Meothrie. Ever considered moving to Brighton Rich. They've some very nice boys down there. You may have a better chance of striking up a conversation. <whistle>...and they're definitely on the up..or so to speak.
     
    #29
    frattonfunkdaddy, Sep 9, 2011
  10. Richisontheboat33

    Richisontheboat33 Guest

    Sorry FFD, Aunty Meowthrie is a qualified agony aunt and you're not. I need solutions to problems...
     
    #30
    Richisontheboat33, Sep 9, 2011

  11. pompeymeowth

    pompeymeowth Prepare for trouble x
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    Dear Readers.
    I'll deal with these, step by step.
    Funky, buy some jellied eels to bring back.
    Richisonthebus33, you need a bigger hat.
     
    #31
    pompeymeowth, Sep 9, 2011
  12. pompeymeowth

    pompeymeowth Prepare for trouble x
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    Dear Meowthrie

    I need your IMMEDIATE asistance as I'm sending this message from inside the gents toilets of a wine bar and bistro in Winchester.

    The other night I did some-thing that I've never done before, being such a young and dapper sort of chap. I agreed to go on a blind date with a young lady I was informed was refined and sofisticated, aswell as being good looking.

    Full of anticipation, I left my home, an hour or so ago, clutching the bunch of daffodils I said I would be carrying so as to be recognised. When I reached the door of the wine bar, outside which we were to meet I waited excitedly for the date, which would be a lady wearing a cream coloured jacket and carrying a beige and white checked handbag.

    Suddenly I saw her. Her long black hair was dancing lightly in the evening breeze and the light from the street lamp glistened on the lenses of her glasses. I smiled inwardly - I've always fancied the bespectacled secretary type.

    We greeted each other and entered the building. The initial small-talk as we waited to be seated seemed to go well. She had a nice refined sort of laugh when she spoke and I felt at ease. We reached our table and the waiter assisted the lady in removing her jacket - to reveal the apparel beneath - a red and white striped football shirt belonging to a certain South Coast Club of the Championship.

    I was so aghast I didn't know what to say or do. I simply said I had to spend a penny and bolted to the gentlemen's room. So here I am, in the last cubicle on the right, typing this message on my iphone and waiting, panic ridden, for your reply.

    WHAT SHOULD I DO?

    Do I continue the date or do I make my escape through the toilet window?

    Dear reader.

    Have you ordered your entrée? If so your grisly fate is sealed. No gentleman could leave a lady sitting in a restaurant after ordering the first course or even after a cursory glance at the wine list.

    Only a complete bounder would contemplate such a thing.

    Try to steer the conversation around to cricket, upon your return. Most likely she is a Hampshire fan too (I'd be in real shtuck here) and you will, at least, share some common ground.

    I might also add, that your confidante has grossly misrepresented the woman, with his original portrayal.

    Don't forget to wash your hands!

    Dear Meowthrie
     
    #32
    pompeymeowth, Sep 9, 2011
  13. frattonfunkdaddy

    frattonfunkdaddy Member

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    If you're still there Meowthrie, give her a good shagging and then tell her that's what her team have got coming in December. Job done.
     
    #33
    frattonfunkdaddy, Sep 10, 2011
  14. Leading Fish in Hants

    Leading Fish in Hants Active Member

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    Dear Meowthrie,
    My son is friends with this girl who recently made some favourable comment on Facebook about Southampton Football Club. Knowing that, hitherto, she had never shown even a passing interest in football, he politely pointed out the error of her ways and suggested she devote her new found enthusiasm for football to Pompey. Her boyfriend then posted a message that if she ever spoke to my son again he would dump her. As a caring father, what should I do? Ignore it, tell him to move on, tell him to have it out with this less than 'saintly' bounder, or tell him to go round and give the girl a good seeing to?
     
    #34
    Leading Fish in Hants, Sep 11, 2011
  15. pompeymeowth

    pompeymeowth Prepare for trouble x
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    Dear Reader.

    This is a situation of mind control by the girls boyfriend. I would suggest that your son writes a letter/message/billet doux to the girl, explaining that he is sad that she is with someone, who is using emotional blackmail to stop her doing as she likes.

    Also he should add, that if she accepts this situation, then he is very sad that they cannot communicate anymore but, were she with your son, he would allow her, within the bounds of reason, to have friends of both sexes in a mature relationship.

    A risky venture, but if the girl accepts her lot, then she is on the road, to a life of being utterly dominated by a succession of brutes.

    If she sees the oaf for what he is, your son, at a later date, will probably be able to visit her and, as you so adroitly put it, press his suit.
     
    #35
    pompeymeowth, Sep 11, 2011
  16. Richisontheboat33

    Richisontheboat33 Guest

    Fellas,
    Can't you talk about football or something...
     
    #36
    Richisontheboat33, Sep 11, 2011
  17. Channonfodder

    Channonfodder Rebel without a clue.....

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    "Press his suit". To attempt to get off with the woman who works in the dry-cleaners. ;)
     
    #37
    Channonfodder, Sep 11, 2011
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Come off it Rich, this is gripping 'edge of the seat' stuff <ok>
     
    #38
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 11, 2011
  19. St. Luigi Scrosoppi

    St. Luigi Scrosoppi Well-Known Member

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    Dear Meowthrie,
    I seem to be quite an unpopular chap at the moment as no matter where I go people seem to what to argue with me, I must admit that I am a little bit cantankerous but have tried to change my ways on a number of occasions but it does not take long before someone, usually in a blue shirt, sets out to pick an argument with me and I am back to my old ways again.

    I must admit to a serious phobia in that I find blue a disturbing colour. You have probably heard the saying &#8220;a red rag to a bull" if something gets some one angry well in my case you might as well say "a blue shirt to Mr Godwin".

    I seem not to mind blue when it is combined with white as in horizontal or vertical stripes as I usually associate that combination with good feelings and an anticipation of great pleasure.

    It is not just a colour but also certain sounds that affect my behaviour. My neighbour has a doorbell that chimes so that whenever someone calls at his door it goes "ding dong ding dong" in a familiar way that I cannot quite recall but it sets in me a feeling of great nausea and my dog "Sainty" growls and snarls in a most unfriendly and aggressive way.

    On the subject of my dog I have to report some very strange behaviour which thankfully doesn't happen too often. When I am listening to the wireless and there is a report that Portsmouth FC has just scored a goal he jumps up high into the air. How high he jumps depends of course on how hard I have kicked him. Is it usual for a football fan to have a pet that does such acrobatic things when another football club scores.

    None of the above bothers me particularly so don&#8217;t worry if you are unable to help. Just getting it off my chest was therapy enough.

    Yours from &#8220;Very happy from Southampton&#8221;
     
    #39
    St. Luigi Scrosoppi, Sep 12, 2011
  20. Leading Fish in Hants

    Leading Fish in Hants Active Member

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    We ARE talking about something. <whistle>
     
    #40
    Leading Fish in Hants, Sep 12, 2011
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