I was in the pub last night telling my mate the joke about, “What would you do if an epileptic was having a fit in the bath....throw the washing in." However, the bloke on the next table said, My brother who is epileptic had a fit in the bath and died." F*ck me. If the ground could have swallowed me up I'd of been happy. I said, “Sorry to hear that, mate. Did he drown?" He said, "No; he choked on a sock."
I was doing a crossword in the pub and said to my Scottish mate, “I'm stuck on one, trapped on a desert island, eight letters, starting with M.” He said, “Marooned.” I said, “Thanks, I'll have a pint of lager then!”
