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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    Hope everybody got what they really wanted for Christmas. My lovely family clubbed together to buy me a voucher for some luxury clinic in Switzerland.

    Silly bastards must've clicked the wrong box on the booking form though, 'cause it's only a one way flight!! Easily done I suppose!!....
     
    #5301
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 31, 2018
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    The missus is not speaking to me because I wouldn’t open the car door for her.

    It’s not my fault I just panicked and swam to the surface.......
     
    #5302
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 31, 2018
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  3. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Racism is bad because people shouldn't be judged on the colour of their skin and the sooner white people realise this the better.
     
    #5303
    kiwiqpr, Jan 3, 2019
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  4. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5304
    kiwiqpr, Jan 3, 2019
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  5. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5305
    kiwiqpr, Jan 3, 2019
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  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5306
    kiwiqpr, Jan 3, 2019
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    Can't open the image !
     
    #5307
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 3, 2019
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  8. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Just got the missus a new bag and a new belt for Christmas. She'll be made up...
    The hoover's as good as new now!
     
    #5308
    kiwiqpr, Jan 3, 2019
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  9. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5309
    kiwiqpr, Jan 3, 2019
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  10. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5310
    kiwiqpr, Jan 3, 2019
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #5311
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 3, 2019
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #5312
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 3, 2019
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    My wife reckons she's 'staying dry in January'.

    Fat chance with a hunk like me knocking round the house.
     
    #5313
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 3, 2019
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #5314
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 4, 2019
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #5315
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 4, 2019
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  16. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I once knew a Swiss woman who could open a bottle in her cleavage, take a stone from a horses hoof with her finger and take a screw out with her thumb

    She was a Swiss Army Wife
     
    #5316
    kiwiqpr, Jan 4, 2019
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  17. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    My wife tripped and dropped the basket of clothes she had just ironed.
    I watched it all unfold.
     
    #5317
    kiwiqpr, Jan 4, 2019
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #5318
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 4, 2019
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  19. mustyfrog

    mustyfrog Well-Known Member

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    Roy, an undertaker, came Home with a black eye. "What happened to you?" Asked his wife."
    "I had a terrible day," replies Roy. "I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep.
    When I got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection.
    Anyway, I find the room and, sure enough, there's this big naked guy lying on the bed with this huge erection.
    So I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half."
    "I see," says his wife. "But how did you get the black eye?"
    Roy says..: "Wrong room.
     
    #5319
    mustyfrog, Jan 4, 2019
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  20. mustyfrog

    mustyfrog Well-Known Member

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    Frank and Fiona were making passionate love in Frank's van when suddenly Fiona, who was a bit on the kinky side,and had just read "50 shades of grey", yells out,
    "Oh fat boy, whip me, whip me!"
    Frank, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips to hand, but in a flash of inspiration, opened the window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip Fiona until they both collapse in sado-masochistic ecstasy.
    About a week later Fiona notices that the marks left by the whipping session are not healing and starting to fester a bit so she goes to the
    doctor.
    The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks: "Did you get these marks having sex?"
    Fiona a little too embarrassed that she had even had sex with Frank, let alone allowed him to indulge in her own kinky desires, eventually admits,
    "Yes I did."
    Nodding his head knowingly the doctor exclaims:
    "I thought so because in all my years as a doctor you've got the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen."
     
    #5320
    mustyfrog, Jan 5, 2019
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Page 266 of 835
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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