I don't know her obviously but this has got 'playing games' written all over it.........keep yourself to yourself for the time being and move on when you feel the time is right. We all need healing time when we come out of relationships, its self protection I suppose. Do not let her back in, its not worth it
It's obviously hit you hard, and perhaps there's some part of you that is clinging on to the idea that it could still work out? But like you say, she can't really think much of you if she's prepared to hurt you as she did, and if she's missing you you'd never be able to rid yourself of the idea that she's only interested in what she can take from the relationship and not what she can bring to it. I sympathise. I've had several months now of roughly similar **** myself - though I haven't mentioned it on here. You'd think at my venerable age this stuff would get easier - but it doesn't. Look after yourself and do what's best for you - though it isn't always easy to know what that is when you're still confused by an emotional attachment hangover. Similar to others, I'd advise ignoring the text (though I'd still probably make a fool of myself and answer )
I didn't see what happened... I missed it. I just saw some of the posts afterwards. I take it she broke up with you? Personally I wouldn't ghost her or ignore her, nor would I chew her out. You never know if in the future you're interested in someone else and they ask your ex "you used to date him, what's he like?" Or if they don't know your ex, they know one of your exes friends. I wouldn't give her an elaborate response or say anything about feelings. A simple "thanks, you too" is all you need to do. It acknowledges her contact without leaving an opening for further conversation but retains politeness. Obviously if she pushes for more conversation after that, ignore her then. Doesn't hurt to be polite even to someone who has hurt you. Acknowledge her without pissing her off, but make it clear you're not looking for further communication. She'll get the message and you will have still maintained politeness. Chances are a polite but emotionless reply that doesn't invite further discourse is more likely to stop her attempting future conversations than ignoring her completely. If you ignore someone there is a chance they will try to keep contacting you: "why is he ignoring me?" Don't answer with anymore words than you need to, and don't give her an "in" into conversation.
Yeah she broke it off three weeks ago saying she doesn't feel like it's romantic anymore and wanted to remain friends ... gave me the I have a lot of fun with you/enjoy your company lines etc etc. Before that happened she'd got angry and accused me of looking through her phone which is completely untrue and something I'd never do. I didn't agree or disagree to friendship, just said maybe. Then a day or two later I checked online dating apps to see if she was on them and yep, her profile was already back there I agree about having dignity and trying to be polite, even with someone who treated you like ****. I think what you say is generally sensible. I ghosted someone in the past and ended up feeling bad about that. I'm tempted to respond purely to see where it leads and find out what her end-game is, just for the hell of it, but continuing to move forward in my life I doubt that issue about future dating would come up really, we don't move in any of the same social circles at all.
Sorry about your troubles and take your own advice as difficult as it may be. Of course there's that 'what if?' knocking around in the back of the mind, it's a stupid fallacy though. As you say, things could never be quite the same second time around due to self-interest, being callously dumped even though she tried to be 'nice' about it, broken trust, all those things. Despite age nothing changes with this stuff, it's the same way from first to last.
I disagree with all of this, sorry. Answering will give her what she wants - control. He needs to take control back and he does that by letting her know he has no interest in her texts, tweets etc. She's playing him like a fiddle; a reply from him, no matter how short or polite, tells her she can call the tune anytime she likes .... and she can't [if he plays this right].
Sorry to hear you've been through the mill too. Maybe the two of you should meet up, swap stories ..... a bit of male bonding.
No, but that works too. What I'm saying is, you never know how your actions will trickle down in the future. Maybe you will apply for a job where her uncle is the man doing the hiring, or her sister blocks him from joining a club... Or... Indeed... Maybe when the dust is settle he does get a chance to shag her mates ... I think a short, polite, but cool message acknowledges that you're handling things well, you're in control of your facilities enough not to gush or say something stupid, and shows a degree of politeness. Ignoring her completely might actually make her try and contact him more... It might provoke an "are you ignoring me?" Question which means you have to ghost her a second time and piss her off, or open up more in a reply. I think "thanks, you too" sends a message that you're not interested without being impolite.
If she is already back in the dating game it suggests she had left in her head long before she actually broke things off formally. The reason she is already ready to date again is probably partially down to her knowing it was over weeks before you did. She's had more time to recover. I believe trust is super important in a relationship, so knowing that she didn't trust you regarding looking through her phone means that it was probably never going to last long term anyway. Its never best to be in a relationship where the other person doesn't trust you.
For the record, I actually did end up friends with several girls I previously dated. One was with a 32 year old I dated when I was 20 (in fairness when we met, she thought I was 5 or 6 years older than I really was... And I thought she was 5 or 6 years younger than she really was, we both thought the age Gap was smaller- I recently cyber stalked her, she still looks very young for her age). It was fun dating her for about 3 months but it eventually ended because I think she realised she couldn't take me to any social events without being seriously judged. We used to go hiking together several times a month after we broke up until she got a job on the West Coast. I did find out that she had a certain fantasy (that I would have been very much on board with) after we broke up... I still kick myself every time I think of that... I've never met another girl with that fantasy... Wish I knew she had it whilst I was dating her. I did try to hook up with her again when I found out... But she wasn't interested. Another was the nymphomaniac hairdresser I dated in University that I know I've mentioned on here before... In our case I broke up with her because I was embarrassed how dumb she was... I still wonder if it might have been worth being embarrassed . We ended up becoming friends with benefits... Although more benefits than friends. I'd go by her place 3 or 4 times a week, we'd talk a little while... Have benefits... talk a little more and then I'd leave. I can't remember why I lost touch with her but I do know she has a husband and kids now.
Yeah, women are like that, schemers and planners, they can change how they feel minute by minute basically. I agree on that subject. The ridiculous thing is she said that I didn't trust her, not that she didn't trust me, which couldn't have been further from the truth until she ended it. I mean, she went away on holiday to asia for nearly a month right before it ended and I didn't say anything at all about that in a negative sense.
This all makes sense but I've decided I'm going to leave it be. Played tennis and had a think with a clearer head. She can't just treat me like she has, like **** essentially and then pretending like nothing has happened, all cheery, as if I've somehow had an amazing new year and there's nothing wrong, and then expect me to sit around being manipulated and strung along. I'm better than that. The whole 'let's be friends' bs is just to keep guys on the back burner hopeful they'll get another chance while being used as an emotional tampon/gay male girlfriend. Yeah. That's not me. If another message should come down the line I'll deal with it accordingly then, if it's got any substance in it and is worth the mental/emotional effort And I can pretty much guarantee that none of the issues you mention about life logistics will ever come up
I'm sorry but that is no more true than men are just schemers & planners after all just look at the last couple of pages of this thread. Personally i'm with Milk on the just reply with a short distant but polite reply but then again i have a fairly fatalistic attitude to life & when dumped* i just carried on as if not much had changed though having been married for 30+ years this is all very old distant memories honest guv. *Dumped is a very loaded word when all it really means is one of a pair saying the relationship doesn't work for them anymore though there are good & bad ways of doing it - i say this as someone who in a spur of the moment broke up with a girl in a crowded pub in a cruel way .
This is an unfashionable, non-PC view I know, but I have to say that I believe women are generally more emotionally manipulative than men - that has certainly been my experience anyway. That isn't to say that there aren't plenty of men who are, or plenty of women who are not. In this, as in everything else, I try to take each case on its individual merit rather than pre-judge. Sadly, throughout history too many relationships have been more about power and control than genuine co-operation. Men have usually resorted to blunt physical means of exerting their authority, whereas women generally being less physically powerful than men have understandably developed different ways of protecting themselves and getting what they want. No matter who it comes from, emotional abuse can be damaging, just like the physical kind, and a lot less obvious.
juat my 2 cents here. I read the text. that's firmly friend zone stuff. just short reply then ignore. to be honest you've already ghosted her by now. it's 3 days later, bit late for happy New year imo.
Since apparently you are God can i just point out it was a very long time ago so why did you have to give me the sodding lurgy last night. I feel like absolute crap this morning .
