Off Topic The Goodhand Arms

My last word also;

I always felt very uncomfortable about the way we paid China, so we could ship our rubbish other there. That's like the most irresponsible thing a country can do. (And now I'm imagining them pushing into rivers. I hope I can shift that thought soon)

 

A little story to start your Christmas season in the right spirit.

When four of Santa’s elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a glass of cider and a shot of rum.

When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the rum.

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, ‘Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?’

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Not a lot of people know this.

 

https://news.sky.com/story/visitors-evacuated-as-fire-breaks-out-at-chester-zoo-11581625

Big fire at Chester Zoo in the tropical house. Orangutans and other mammals accounted for, but other animals are inside. One witness reported seeing 4 orangs walking out....2 clutching their blankets. Bless.

 

The Christmas fairy leads a lonely life
among the light that flickers,
in her hand a wand of gold,
and a fir tree up her knickers.

 

So I went to see my doctor again I sad " so doctor , what do you think is wrong with me " ?

" I think you have hypocondrea " he replied

I said

" I might as well have , I've had everything else "

 

“Leave it Tone....’es not worth it....”

 

Did you hear what happened to the robber who was caught stealing Advent Calendars ?

He got 24 days .

 

What's the best part about living in Switzerland?


I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

 

Got to love Mrs No7.

"What is the date on that bread?"
"17th"
"I'll have the last two slices now then" (11pm on the 17th)
"What about your breakfast tomorrow?" (....7:30am 18th)
"Oh no, it will be out of date by then"

.....

 

I live life on the edge. 1:30am. Bread 1 ½ hours out of date. 2 slices.

 

Don’t you mean you live life on the crust?

 

Your wife would get on with my son....he once asked me how old my salt was.

 

Does salt never go off then?
Genuine question

 

Nope - as long as it's stored sensibly salt will never go "off". It's used for food preservation after all so has an incredibly long shelf life. The major problem with salt is storing it in damp conditions where it can cake into a hard lump.

 

Everydays a school day.

 

Just sat here chuckling to myself about the time I needed to wash the kids clothes but we had no aerial stuff as she hadn’t been shopping yet. In my elevated state I thought I was a ****ing genius and decided to use fairy washing up liquid instead thinking to myself “It can’t make that much of a difference can it surely?” Fast forward 30 mins I went to check on it’s progress only to find what seemed like a full on foam party going on in our kitchen, safe to say I wasn’t allowed out to play that weekend !

 

I wonder which will expire first, that salt or the actual planet?