Scenes we'd like to see

A little something to fill the international break, for those who are unfamiliar with it follow the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lajbrey1MSE

Scenes:

Unlikely NUFC press releases:

Unlikely quotes from Steve Bruce's autobiography:

Unlikely Joey Barton Tweets:

Unlikely CWarr Tweets:

Questions that wouldn't be asked at an England press conference:

Things a Middlesbrough tour guide wouldn't say:

Things you wouldn't hear during Soccer Saturday:

Unlikely things to hear a Sky Sports News reporter say:

Unlikely Stadium of Light PA announcements:

Unlikely things for Pardew to say:

Unlikely things to hear on Match of the Day:



Any more ideas, post them below and I (or a mod) will can put them in the OP.

 

Quotes from Steve Bruce's biography:
"I don't normally criticise referees, but he was absolute **** and I earned a touchline ban because of it. The upshot of it was that I got to experience the match from a fans' point of view, there I was rubbing shoulders with my fellow Mackems, the place was packed to the rafters and the atmosphere was raucous. At ten to three the noise began to subside as the tension set in and became unbearable, would the barman find a stream before kickoff?"

Unlikely things to hear a Sky Sports News reporter say:
And Everton have completed the signing of…

Unlikely Stadium of Light PA announcements:
Would the owner of the car please explain to rest of us what the **** it is?

 

Unlikely NUFC press releases: Record Breaking Transfer Deal for **********

Quotes from Steve Bruce's biography: Looking back, getting that last minute winner against that lot up the road will always be the highlight of my career.

Unlikely CWarr Tweets: d'you know, I dont think this one will come off...

Questions that wouldn't be asked at an England press conference: what is the point of Gareth Barry?

Things a Middlesbrough tour guide wouldn't say: here's our famous Riverside stadium, packed to the rafters again!

Unlikely Stadium of Light PA announcements: The attendance today is 49000, thanks for your continued support

 

How about 'unliley things for Pardew to say'?

 

Things you won't hear in Soccer Saturday:
Paul Merson 'Diniyar Bilyaletdinov scores a cracker!'
CRASH, as Jeff Stelling falls backwards off his chair, stunned as Merson can pronounce a word with more than two syllables correctly.

 

Unlikely NUFC press releases: We were at fault for not getting a striker. We never tried because we're tight bastards. We owe our fantastic supporters an apology.

Quotes from Steve Bruce's biography: I secretly love Newcastle and it was never my intention to beat them. In your ****ing face (in)Cestriamackem!

Unlikely Joey Barton Tweets: The truth is that I left for more money and found blaming Ashley and Lambiarse as the perfect excuse.

Unlikely CWarr Tweets: Expect a quiet transfer window

Questions that wouldn't be asked at an England press conference: Have you ever heard of Newcastle , Sunderland or Middlesbrough?

Things a Middlesbrough tour guide wouldn't say: Does that even exist?

Things you wouldn't hear during Soccer Saturday: This is quite believable , Jeff.

Unlikely Stadium of Light PA announcements: Goalscorer is number ** , Nicklaaaaaas Bendtneeeeeer

 

@Joey4Barton 'In football you need to have everything in your cake mix to make the cake taste right. One little bit of ingredient that Tony uses in his cake gets talked about all the time is Rory’s throw. Call that cinnamon and he’s got a cinnamon flavoured cake. It’s not fair and it’s not right and it’s only a small part of what he does.'

 

Likely Cwarr tweets: Expect a busy transfer window, Mike Ashley and his cronies are planning on selling the entire squad.

 

This could be a super thread. Just need loads of ppl to take part in it.

 

I just took a Ian Holloway quote and thought that Joey wouldn't quote that

 

Things you wouldn't hear during Soccer Saturday:
Jeff Stelling: Has anything happened in the game between Wolves and Bolton Phil?
Phil Thompson: You know what Jeff, there probably has, because the last time I looked it was goalless and now it's 4-3, but I've spent the last 80 minutes in a cubicle with the Liverpool merchandise catalogue working my way through a roll of Andrex

 

Dont think you've got the idea here AG.

 

Jeff Stelling: Has anything happened in the game between Wolves and Bolton Phil?
Phil Thompson: You know what Jeff, there probably has, because the last time I looked it was goalless and now it's 4-3, but I've spent the last 80 minutes looking over at Charlie's monitor at the Merseyside derby because I can't get enough of seeing Jose 'sexybeast' Enrique in a Liverpool shirt.

Jeff Stelling: Has anything happened in the game between Wolves and Bolton Chris?
Chris Kamara: You know what Jeff, there probably has, because the last time I looked it was goalless and now it's 4-3, because I've spent the last 80 minutes in a cubicle after the lock broke when I went to pop to the loo.

A typical Kammy thing to do.

 

Unlikely Cwarr tweets: Told you so

 

Unlikely Cwarr tweets: **** You Haters, Im right!

 

Sorry. Must try harder.

 

Unlikely cwarr tweets: Account deleted