Just been reading about a major Albanian crime gang that is terrorising London. Surely they can’t be too difficult to catch with all that white hair and red eyes......
Winter is nearly here & our native birds will soon be finding food scarce. Please go to the pet shop & buy a bag of nuts for our feathered friends. There is no finer sight on a winter's morning than a pair of tits around your nut sack. Just remember however it's a bit early in the year to expect a swallow!
Breaking news: a nine years old girl has disappeared. She was last seen using a moisturiser that makes you ten years younger.......
The Welsh Assembly Government is delighted to announce that agreement has been reached with their French counterparts so that the famous Bayeux Tapestry will loaned to Wales for six months. A spokesman for the National Museum of Wales said “We haven’t decided where we are going to display it yet. It will either be Bayeux or by there........”
Went to the doctor for my annual check up. He asked me in describe my sex life. “Infrequent” I replied “Is that one word or two?” He asked....
One hot July day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her and put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. She had no name so we named her Pussycat. The vet decided to keep her for a day or so and said he would let us know when we could come and get her. My husband, [the complainer] said, "OK, but don"t forget to wash her, she stinks." My husband and my vet don"t see eye to eye. He calls my husband El-cheap-O. My husband calls him Take-0. They love to hate each other. Next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, which was located next door to the vet. The doctor"s office was full of people waiting to see the doctor. In the midst of the waiting room crowd, a side door opened and in leaned the vet; he had obviously seen my husband arrive. He looked straight at my husband, "Your wife"s pussy is finally clean and shaved. She now smells like a rose. And by the way, I think she"s pregnant. God knows who the father is!" And he closed the door.
Just seen a sign saying "Turkey £29.00" in a butcher's window. Blimey, that's £300 cheaper than at Thomas Cook!!
