Reg, our Parcel Force delivery driver, sadly passed away yesterday. His funeral will be on Tuesday, sometime between 1 and 5 p.m.
Jack Brown was waiting anxiously outside the maternity ward where his wife was giving birth to their first baby. As he paced back and forth, a nurse popped her head around the door. "It's a boy, Mr Brown," she said, "but we think you'd better go and have a cup of coffee because there might be another one." Jack turned a bit pale and left. Some time later, he rang the hospital and was told he was the father of twins. "But," the nurse went on, "we're sure there's another on the way. Ring back again in a little while." Then Jack decided that coffee wasn't strong enough. He ordered a few beers and then he rang the hospital again, only to be told that a third baby had arrived and a fourth was due any moment. With a white face, Jack stumbled over to the bar and ordered a double scotch. Twenty minutes later he tried the phone again, but he was in such a state that he dialed the wrong number and instead got a recorded cricket score. When they picked him up from the floor of the phone booth, the recording was still going on, "The score is 96 all out, and the last one was a duck!"
Asked one of my colleagues if they were doing Movember earlier as I’d be happy to sponsor them. She didn’t reply and for some reason she’s now been in the toilets for 45 minutes, and I’ve just had an email from our HR dept.
A lorry laden with thousands of Thesauruses shed its load on the motorway yesterday. Witnesses were said to be stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, confused, shocked, dazed, bewildered, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, confounded, amazed, perplexed and speechless.
