Who is...

Our fastest player?
Our slowest player?
Our most skillful player?
Our toughest player?
Our softest player?
Our player most likely to dive?
Our most consistent player?
Our most inconsitent player?
Our underrated player?
Our overrated player?
Our most famous player?
Our best looking player?
Our ugliest player?
One player who you most like to slap?
One player who you would most like to buy a drink?
One player who if they left would make you think 'we will struggle'?
One player who you would love to leave?
Biggest character from what you can gather?
Most boring from what you can gather?
Most intelligent?
Thickest player?

 

Our fastest player - Obertan?
Our slowest player - Smith
Our most skillful player - Sammy or HBA
Our toughest player - Tiote (Bowyer the former hardman just bounces off him!)
Our softest player - Jonas (so he can win free kicks)
Our player most likely to dive - Jonas
Our most consistent player - Colo or Simpson (consistently average)
Our most inconsitent player - Shola (can have some good games!)
Our underrated player - Best or Krul
Our overrated player - Shola!
Our most famous player - Probably Smith as he used to play for Leeds and Man U, could be Krul or Cabaye in a few years though!
Our best looking player - Yohan "The Face" Cabaye
Our ugliest player - Gabriel "Klingon" Obertan
One player who you most like to slap - Smith, for being absolutely ****e
One player who you would most like to buy a drink - Ryan Taylor (Over The Wall)
One player who if they left would make you think 'we will struggle' - Krul or Colo
One player who you would love to leave - ****ing Alan ****ey Smith
Biggest character from what you can gather - Stevie Taylor or Jonas
Most boring from what you can gather - None of them! They all look pretty interesting (even Ryan "Sit in a corner and cry" Taylor could read you some poetry or something)
Most intelligent - Perch (he has to have SOMETHING going for him)
Thickest player - DemBUBBA Ba

 

pretty much agree with these but surely ranger must be going for thickest player?

 

Most intelligent - Perch (he has to have SOMETHING going for him)

ha ha

 

NUFC current squad.

Our fastest player? Obertan
Our slowest player? Williamson
Our most skillful player? Ben Arfa
Our toughest player? Saylor
Our softest player? Jonas
Our player most likely to dive? Krul
Our most consistent player? Tiote
Our most inconsitent player? Ameobi
Our underrated player? Best
Our overrated player? Coloccini
Our most famous player? Ben Arfa
Our best looking player? Cabaye
Our ugliest player? Coloccini
One player who you most like to slap? Simpson
One player who you would most like to buy a drink? Saylor
One player who if they left would make you think 'we will struggle'? Tiote
One player who you would love to leave? Simpson
Biggest character from what you can gather? Saylor
Most boring from what you can gather? Harper
Most intelligent? Cabaye Intelligent player
Thickest player? Ranger

 

Ranger's proven he's pretty (read: exceptionally) thick but the fact that Demba looks like Bubba makes him have the potential to be that bit more brain damaged!

 

Mine would be:

Our fastest player? Hatem Ben Arfa
Our slowest player? Alan Smith
Our most skillful player? Hatem Ben Arfa
Our toughest player? Cheik Tiote
Our softest player? Sylvain Marveaux
Our player most likely to dive? Jonas Gutierrez
Our most consistent player? Fabricio Coloccini
Our most inconsitent player? Danny Simpson
Our underrated player? Jonas Gutierrez
Our overrated player? Shola Ameobi
Our most famous player? Hatem Ben Arfa
Our best looking player? Yohan Cabaye
Our ugliest player? Gabriel Obertan
One player who you most like to slap? Shola Ameobi
One player who you would most like to buy a drink? Ryan Taylor
One player who if they left would make you think 'we will struggle'? Fabricio Coloccini
One player who you would love to leave? Alan Smith
Biggest character from what you can gather? Jonas Gutierrez
Most boring from what you can gather? Steve Harper
Most intelligent? Steve Harper
Thickest player? Steven Taylor

 

Our fastest player? Obertan
Our slowest player? Ameobi
Our most skillful player? Ben Arfa
Our toughest player? Tiote/Coloccini
Our softest player? At the moment, probably Ben Arfa is the most fragile
Our player most likely to dive? Stevie Taylor
Our most consistent player? Coloccini
Our most inconsitent player?
Our underrated player? Best
Our overrated player? Ameobi (overrated by the manager at least)
Our most famous player? Ben Arfa/Santon
Our best looking player? Cabaye <3
Our ugliest player? Sorry Krul
One player who you most like to slap? Nile Ranger
One player who you would most like to buy a drink? Cabaye
One player who if they left would make you think 'we will struggle'? Tiote or Coloccini
One player who you would love to leave? Alan Smith
Biggest character from what you can gather? No idea. Would have said Barton before he left.
Most boring from what you can gather? Ryan Taylor
Most intelligent? Coloccini
Thickest player? Ranger

 

Our fastest player? Obertan
Our slowest player? Shola/Smith
Our most skillful player? HBA
Our toughest player? Tiote
Our softest player? Jonas/HBA/Simpson
Our player most likely to dive? Taylor/Jonas
Our most consistent player? Coloccini
Our most inconsitent player? Jonas/Shola
Our underrated player? Best/Lovenkrands
Our overrated player? Shola
Our most famous player? HBA
Our best looking player? CabayeDreamBoat
Our ugliest player? Obertan
One player who you most like to slap? Simmo
One player who you would most like to buy a drink? Sammy!
One player who if they left would make you think 'we will struggle'? Colo
One player who you would love to leave? SMITH!
Biggest character from what you can gather? Saylor
Most boring from what you can gather? Guthrie
Most intelligent? Harper
Thickest player? Raylor/Guthrie

 

Hahaha. I like it

 

Not classing him as first team, so he's out of contention

 

Our fastest player? Obertan
Our slowest player? Ameobi
Our most skillful player? HBA
Our toughest player? Tiote
Our softest player? No idea
Our player most likely to dive? Ameobi
Our most consistent player? Colo or Best
Our most inconsitent player? Jonas?
Our underrated player? Jonas or Best
Our overrated player? Ameobi
Our most famous player? Ameobi/HBA
Our best looking player? Cabaye
Our ugliest player? ...Tiote..
One player who you most like to slap? None
One player who you would most like to buy a drink? STaylor
One player who if they left would make you think 'we will struggle'? Colo
One player who you would love to leave? Smith
Biggest character from what you can gather? Sameobi
Most boring from what you can gather? Williamson?
Most intelligent? Harper
Thickest player? Simpson

 

Our fastest player? Sammy!, Obertan
Our slowest player? Shola
Our most skillful player? Ben Arfa, Obertan, Ba?
Our toughest player? Tiote
Our softest player? Jonas
Our player most likely to dive? Jonas
Our most consistent player? Colo
Our most inconsitent player? Loverman, Shola
Our underrated player? Sammy, Guthrie
Our overrated player? Smith, Shola
Our most famous player? Jonas, Shola
Our best looking player? Cabaye
Our ugliest player? Obertan
One player who you most like to slap? Ranger
One player who you would most like to buy a drink? Saylor
One player who if they left would make you think 'we will struggle'? Colo
One player who you would love to leave? Perch
Biggest character from what you can gather? Jonas!
Most boring from what you can gather? Raylor
Most intelligent? Shola
Thickest player? RANGER

 

Completely forgot he even played for us so i imagine this is a good shout

 

Our fastest player? Not sure, Lovenkrands maybe?

Our slowest player? Again not sure, Williamson maybe?

Our most skillful player? Ben Arfa

Our toughest player? TIOTE

Our softest player? Not sure, Perch looks like a bit of a pussy.

Our player most likely to dive? Jonas

Our most consistent player? Coloccini

Our most inconsitent player? Shola

Our underrated player? Best

Our overrated player? No one, our whole squad is underrated in the media

Our most famous player? Haven't a clue. Possibly Ben Arfa because of his world class status? Coloccini for his hair? Shola for his association with Newcastle?

Our best looking player? Cabaye

Our ugliest player? Ba or Obertan

One player who you most like to slap? Simpson, he pisses me off more than any other player

One player who you would most like to buy a drink? Harper

One player who if they left would make you think 'we will struggle'? Coloccini, we don't have another LCB

One player who you would love to leave? Ranger or Perch

Biggest character from what you can gather? Saylor

Most boring from what you can gather? Williamson, he just looks like a boring guy

Most intelligent? Harper

Thickest player? Ranger

 

Lovenkrands faster than Obertan?!
And Perch just snaps everyone, that's why I didn't put him in the softest. He had a dreadful record for bookings last season!

 

Our fastest player? Benny or Obertan probably
Our slowest player? Shola
Our most skillful player? Ben Arfa
Our toughest player? Tiote... or Simpson
Our softest player? Don't know to be honest. Jonas goes down easily a lot of the time, I suppose.
Our player most likely to dive? I'm going with je ne sais quoi's answer of Krul
Our most consistent player? Colo
Our most inconsitent player? Shola or Lover
Our underrated player? Besty!
Our overrated player? Most overrated by Pardew? Shola Most overrated by some fans? Williamson, to be honest. He's no Saylor
Our most famous player? Shola Ameobi! Everyone's heard of Shola!
Our best looking player? Cabaye, of course
Our ugliest player? Obertan
One player who you most like to slap? Ranger, for being a tit
One player who you would most like to buy a drink? Saylor 'cause he seems like a stand up bloke, or Raylor for over the wall!
One player who if they left would make you think 'we will struggle'? Colo or Tiote
One player who you would love to leave? Perch
Biggest character from what you can gather? Stevie T, also imagine Smith to be a big presence and a laugh around the players too.
Most boring from what you can gather? Raylor. Sorry, lad.
Most intelligent? Harper?
Thickest player? Ranger!

 

Yeah, first 5 games of the season wasn't it :S

 

Yup not including nearly killing PSV Striker in a friendly and a 6th Card that followed the five.

 

he seems a decent, ordinary bloke though. I think he mentioned something about having kids and that so he's not exactly a wildman.