NEWSFLASH: The annual premature ejaculation society dinner will be held on Friday night. No dress code- just come in your pants.
"Name a terrorist organisation that Jeremy Corbyn hasn't laid a wreath for?" please log in to view this image
A lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woopsie and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a salesman standing right behind her - Good looking as well. Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods. He politely greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today? Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident', she asks, 'what is the price of this lovely bracelet?' He answers, "Madam - if you farted just looking at it - you're going to s*it yourself when I tell you the price.
My wife has been missing since she took the dog for a walk yesterday lunchtime and I'm really starting to worry about her. She could be trapped or injured somewhere or worse still, someone could have taken her and she might be in danger. If anyone can help, she's a brindle staffy puppy called Roxy, and she has a name tag.
