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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3621
    Wooperts_duck, May 28, 2018
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Trials have already begun to find Liverpool's next keeper.........

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    #3622
    Wooperts_duck, May 28, 2018
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Champions League Final. The worst use of gloves since the OJ Simpson trial........
     
    #3623
    Wooperts_duck, May 28, 2018
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I just got my Jack Wilshere World Cup Panini sticker, peeled the back off and now he's got a dislocated shoulder.
     
    #3624
    Wooperts_duck, May 28, 2018
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  5. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    liverpools new goalkeeper
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    #3625
    kiwiqpr, May 29, 2018
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3626
    Wooperts_duck, May 29, 2018
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    WHAT PART OF YOUR BODY GOES TO HEAVEN FIRST?

    The nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, 'When you die and go to Heaven, which
    part of your body goes first?'

    Suzy raised her hand and said, 'I think it's your hands.'

    'Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?'

    Suzy replied: 'Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first.'

    'What a wonderful answer!', the nun said.

    Little Johnny raised his hand and said, 'Sister, I think it's your feet.'

    The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. 'Now, Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?'

    Johnny said: 'Well, I walked past Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night. Mom had her legs up in the air and she was saying:

    'Oh God! I'm coming!'

    If Dad hadn't pinned her down, I reckon we'd have lost her."

    The nun had to leave the room.
     
    #3627
    Wooperts_duck, May 29, 2018
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3628
    Wooperts_duck, May 29, 2018
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I was having dinner with Garry Kasparov and there was a check tablecloth.

    It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
     
    #3629
    Wooperts_duck, May 29, 2018
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    As I waited to be taken down to start my prison term, I was allowed a final minute with my wife.

    I said "Listen Jo, prison is a horrible place that changes people for the worse, and when I come out I doubt I'll be the same man you know and love. For that reason, I don't expect you to wait for me, so get on with your life and try and meet someone else who can hopefully be a father to our children. Most of all though, just stay strong and be happy."

    "Stay strong?" my wife snapped, "You're only doing a week for an unpaid parking ticket, you f*cking b*stard!"
     
    #3630
    Wooperts_duck, May 29, 2018
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    When it's sunny I think 'Beer garden.'
    When it rains I usually go to the pub for a while.
    When it's snowing I like to sit in front of the TV with a case of Beer.
    I'm starting to think I have a problem with the weather.
     
    #3631
    Wooperts_duck, May 29, 2018
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Scientists have discovered a cure for all diseases, apparently.

    With the new Karius vaccine, you won't catch a thing!
     
    #3632
    Wooperts_duck, May 29, 2018
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The Planets are aligned.......

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    #3633
    Wooperts_duck, May 29, 2018
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3634
    Wooperts_duck, May 29, 2018
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3635
    Wooperts_duck, May 30, 2018
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3636
    Wooperts_duck, May 30, 2018
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    An 80yr old man walks into Jewellers with a gorgeous 25yr old fit blonde & asks for a special ring for the lady.

    Jeweller says "Here's one for £5000." Old man says "No I want a very special ring." So he pulls one out for £65,000, he says "That's the one !, I'll write a cheque & when it clears on Monday we'll come & fetch it."

    On Monday the Jeweller phones the old man & says "There's no money in the account."

    Old man says "I know, but can you imagine the weekend I've had!!"
     
    #3637
    Wooperts_duck, May 30, 2018
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  18. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    12
    7
    5
    8
     
    #3638
    kiwiqpr, May 30, 2018
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  19. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I imagine being a seagull is pretty rad because it’s basically just endless fries and permission to scream whenever you want.
     
    #3639
    kiwiqpr, May 30, 2018
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Looks like a 'bum' deal......

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    #3640
    Wooperts_duck, May 30, 2018
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Page 182 of 834
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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