Off Topic And Now for Something Completely Different

One is golden and lovely
One is dark and...well...treacley

 

Think you need to explain your warped thinking here den.

Strawberry jam is heaven on bread or toast. And pretty much what I lived on as a kid.

 

No
Jam is **** (the preserve...not the band)
Marmalade is perfect (the preserve...not the band)
Whisky marmalade is heaven!

To be fair I don’t really have a sweet tooth so maybe marmalade being less sweet helps

 

Wrong wrong wrong.
Don't want to go down the patriotic route.
But jam is English.
Marmalade is Spanish, probably.

End of. Fact

 

If marmalade is Spanish then they deserve to win the World Cup

 

Mz Kempton makes Apple chilli jelly. It tastes like marmalade, but with a kick. It's bloody gorgeous.

 

And what do you have it on?
Jelly ffs. We're getting all American now.

 

Me mam used to make apple jelly
Not jam, not marmalade...not American

Jelly

 

It's worse than that.

Much worse.


Marmalade is Scottish.

Invented when a cargo of Seville oranges washed up in Dundee and the Sweaties didn't know what to do with them.


So some Scotch bint invented an orange preserve.

The dirty, dirty bastards.

 

Well what do you put marmalade on? I smear my cock in it and allow the ladies to taste the delights. They likeylikey...
.

 

That’s why I like the variety made from oranges and Scotch

 

I don't put marmalade on anything. It's disgusting.

So when and what do you do with your jelly.

 

It's exactly the same thing Chazz

 

But Aren't You a Woman Ffs.

 

Jelly on toast

It’s like see through jam

 

Jam is really only for Christmas Day breakfast
On croissants
With champagne

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/newsbeat-44153864

A mum from Sweden has taken drastic steps when a tattoo of her son Kevin's name was spelled wrongly.

To make sure her new ink was accurate, the mum (who wants to be known only as Johanna) decided to officially change five-year-old Kevin's name to Kelvin.

The mistake was made when she went to get the names Kevin and Nova (her daughter) tattooed on her arm.

Johanna only noticed the typo in the tattoo when she was on her way home in the car with her cousin.

"The spelling did not look wrong to me at first," she told Newsbeat.

"For me, the text is upside-down so it's in the right direction when I'm standing.

"When we're sitting in the car home, my cousin takes a picture of it. That's when I see what it says.

"It says Kelvin instead of Kevin. I didn't think it was true.

"My cousin laughs and we're thinking - is this a joke?"

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Image copyrightJOHANNA
Image captionJohanna had the name of her daughter Nova and son 'Kelvin' tattooed on her arm

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Johanna says she and her cousin returned to the tattoo studio immediately to tell them about the mistake. She was told it would be easy to fix with laser surgery.

After looking into getting the tattoo removed, Johanna was told it could take up to a year to get the work fully removed.

"After thinking a little, we decided to rename him Kelvin," she says.

"Now we like it better and do not want to change back."

Johanna told Swedish newspaper Blekinge Läns Tidning that she now plans to have a tattoo of her newborn daughter's name, Freya.

But this time, she will make sure no-one needs to change the details on their passports.

"I'm going to write it down on a piece of paper and check it over 10,000 times," she told the paper.

 

... Or what about jam and jelly?

Main difference as far I can tell is I can't jelly my cock up my wifes arse.

 

Marmelad is the Swedish word for Jam - FACT

So both stop arguing and focus on what unites us which is.....erm.....I......erm....I dunno Alcohol?