Trafalgar Square Fact - Not many know that Nelson was 5'6" in real life. His statue in the Square is 17'4". That's a Horatio of around 3 to 1
UK WINS EUROVISION SONG CONTEST AFTER DIANE ABBOTT COUNTS THE VOTES !! please log in to view this image
I hate it when parents name their kids after **** they can’t afford. Mercedes. Ruby. Porche. Gas Lecky Phone bill Council tax......
One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story. Little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket." Little Lucy went next. "My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched." Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story. Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch." Next up was little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down, he drank the case of beer. Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets! So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands." The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story. "Well," Johnny replied, "Don't mess with Uncle Ted when he's been drinking."
A little old lady telephoned her supplier to order some incontinence pads,the operator asked where are you ringing from? She replied from the waist down.
My Wife asked me before going to the hairdressers, "What cut do you think would make me more attractive?" "A f*cking power cut" was apparently the wrong answer.
My dog swallowed the TV remote control. So now I have to pat his stomach to get BBC, rub his neck to get Sky, stroke his back to get ITV and I’ve decided to give up watching Channel 4.......
I'm pretty sure that my girlfriend is secretly a lighthouse keeper. I've just answered her phone and some bloke asked if the coast was clear......
Despite being sacked, Sam Allardyce has said thank you to the Everton fans for making him feel like one of them. Unemployed!
