Leaving Home

So my 19 year old wants to leave, his mum is all tears and I'm "he is a 19 year old man, let him go".

I dont think my old man ever forgave me for leaving at a similar age, although I used uni as a pretext.

What's your experience? As a leaver and/or as a parent

 

Left home at 18 to go and share a flat with a mate, it was ****ing hard work paying for the bills and we were both absolutely knackered from working full time. Me a Baker and him a Milkman, so we were both up at the crack of dawn. Used to come home put some tunes on and get stoned, fall asleep on the sofa and then get up again at 4am. Eventually I realised that I was going to have to find a route out of that life, so went back to college to do my A-Levels and then went on to Uni in Brum.

 

Tbf he's being a dick coz he fell out with me, for being a lazy got.

He's at uni, has a car and his own room etc, all subsidised by me and has got a 1 year placement in London for a big firm, which starts in Sept.

But never having had responsibility he thinks life will be as cushty with mates etc

I think he's going to **** his life up but am of the mind listen to me and get and get support, go your own way then go your own way and I ain't even buying a loaf of bread if your starving

If he was how you were I'd give him one of my other houses as his own

 

Take the high ground.

Commend him for being willing to take one of the
big steps in adulthood. Tell him that things may
not always be easy from here on, but if he is
sensible as you think he can be, then he will be ok.

 

Yeah. Thinking of it that way.

Just something doesn't sit right to me. My 17 year old I get in with because he would have been honest and said "dad I want to go but need your blessing" type of thing from the off. This one I found out from his mum after its all arranged

 

If possible sit down with him and explain to him why you are concerned. Explain to him the cost of things, rent, electric, gas, water, food, mobile phone, internet, running the car ie petrol, tax, mot and insurance, let alone any uni debt. Ask him how all that will impact on his social life ie going out with the mates, beer and takeaways if he participates. Hopefully once he's had time to think that through, he will come to a decision that fits his goals ie staying at home, he can still go out and save money and then leave in a year or two.

Legally you canot stop him, so no point creating barriers and upset. You never know he might actually surprise you and make it work. It has to be about trust beteen father and son. If it goes wrong, you can help with food, or he even could come back home.

If he stays at home, the older he gets the more your home could become a hotel. So there are pros and cons to both sides. Main hopes in either scenario is no drugs and no police.

You know your son the best on the most sensible way forward.

Ps. Don't give him a house!

 

Did Dawn get fed up and leave?

 

We grew tired of having to share her crack.

 

Left home at 17 and never struggled without my parents. My independence was important to me and helped me find my own path in my life and my career naturally.

There's a kid in work now who is twenty and he can't make a hot meal, iron his clothes or drive. I feel like the best solution for him is a good stuffing into a wood chipper.

 

Excellent post Tel.

 

Some lads just let their mothers do all their domestic chores for them, partly the mother's fault for not making them do it themselves too. As soon as I turned 13 I had to earn my keep at home, so that involved cooking, cleaning, ironing, doing errands, fixing up the house etc. Was a great life lesson and prepped me for life in the real world. Some lads leave home and are like a ****ing fish out of water.

 

Couldn't wait to get out so joined the RAF at 17.

 

Mate its a new world now. I was helping run the house at 15 when dad got injured. Buying clothes for my siblings etc. Not that that stopped them from the "what have you ever done for me" approach in later life

If my kid was "streetwise" as you seemed to have been at 17 I have no problem. I blame modern mums personally. They mother them and the are surprised at the tantrums

 

To be honest with him I can see it going bad. He is all helpful and nice to friends and family outside his immediate home and they just use him.

He area my siblings as allies but j see them as leaches who know he can get discount on teles etc from work

 

The skies the limit L.A.C Luvvy.

 

I'm thinking **** it

Only so much you can do in it

Damned if I will pick up the pieces though so need to clear that up

 

Well Syria is nice at Easter. ..

Let's hope he gets droned

 

Fan, reading that second sentence, i think it's time for my meds

 

Really does depend on the kid. For some, it’s the making of em. For others, they’ll either get themselves into trouble or just not cope.

I left at 17 after a row with my old man. Ended up living in a huge house in Chelsea with two other guys - both fellow music students - one of whose parents owned the house.

Crazy times!....

 

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