A man walks into a greengrocer's and says, I want five pounds of potatoes, please. And the greengrocer says, we only sell kilos. So the man says, all right then, I'll have five pounds of kilos.
Police are hunting the 'knitting needle nutter' who has stabbed 6 people. They believe he could be following some kind of pattern.
I met the man who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.
The shop did it for nothing so that was good...just got to input my phone numbers. Still no call back from my cousin....she may be busy, but may also be hiding as she can't remember the pass code. Let's hope it is someone's birthday. Tried phoning my new mobile but it goes straight to voicemail....so isn't working yet. They said it would work in 15 mins, but it could be 24 hours. Did I mention that I hate the foibles of technology.
Well I ordered my new phone on a 24 hour delivery 2 weeks ago and it's still not even arrived so I would count yourself lucky! And especially lucky she didn't have it set to unlock via fingerprint!
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY BY PAM AYRES The missus bought a Paperback, down Shepton Mallet way, I had a look inside her bag;... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey". Well I just left her to it, And at ten I went to bed. An hour later she appeared; The sight filled me with dread. In her left hand she held a rope; And in her right a whip! She threw them down upon the floor, And then began to strip. Well fifty years or so ago; I might have had a peek; But Mabel hasn't weathered well; She's eighty four next week!! Watching Mabel bump and grind; Could not have been much grimmer. And things then went from bad to worse; She toppled off her Zimmer! She struggled back upon her feet; A couple minutes later; She put her teeth back in and said "I am a dominator!!" Now if you knew our Mabel, You'd see just why I spluttered, I'd spent two months in traction For the last complaint I'd uttered. She stood there nude and naked Bent forward just a bit I went to hold her, sensual like and stood on her left tit! Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out; My God what had I done! She moaned and groaned then shouted out: "Step on the other one!!" Well readers, I can tell no more; Of what occurred that day. Suffice to say my jet black hair, Turned fifty shades of grey!!
A nerve agent was believed to be involved in the Salisbury poisoning. A policeman who was first on the scene is also in a serious condition.
Makes it quite possible that it was the work of a “foreign power”, or, less likely, a terrorist group.
Did you hear about the Insomniac , Agnostic , Dyslexic ? He stayed up all night , wondering if there really was a Dog .
Why is that with technology or machines of any sort that have a choice between working and not working, not working is the fall back position. Still waiting for my new phone to join in....how come Vodaphone could disconnect my old phone instantly, but 22 hours later I am still waiting for the new phone to work. TBF, I was told it would be between 15 mins and 24 hours!! Am pleased with myself though....have got phone signed in with my internet and e-mail account and have laboriously deleted all unwanted phone numbers (belonging to my cousin) and added in my own. Apparently the change of SIM meant this couldn't be done automatically....though my cousin who works for IBM snorted at that. Anyway with what I have managed to do I am practically IT trained.
The policeman is still in a serious condition, but sitting up and talking...so let's be hopeful. Probably talking out of my hat, but hopefully this is less serious than the last poisoning case which was with radioactive material (polonium-210) and was unsurvivable.
Glad the policeman appears better. Very worrying all round. Looks like Putin throwing his weight around. That guy and the orange clown in Washington are a serious concern for the world.
