A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly. A bar was walked into by the passive voice. An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening. Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.” A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite. Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything. A question mark walks into a bar? A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly. Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type." A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud. A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves. Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart. A synonym strolls into a tavern. At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack. A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment. Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor. A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered. An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel. The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known. A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph. The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense. A dyslexic walks into a bra. A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines. An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars. A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert. A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget. A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony. I'm sure there are a few on here who will enjoy these
Understood a lot of it but, sadly, not all, since learning to parse was dropped in my grammar school in 1962....when they obviously decided that only those who went to private schools could handle it. I was thrilled at the time, but regret it now. Luckily, education standards have dropped even further in the ensuing years so I appear reasonably educated now.
Dear Susan Cartwright, (I have no idea who this is) I am contacting you regarding parcel number [redacted]. This is regarding the current status of the above mentioned parcel. I am sorry for the delay in responding to your query regarding the delivery of your parcel. We are sorry to inform you that due to the scale of our operation, we are unable to investigate this any further and obtain furtherinformation. I would request you to contact the retailer and ask them to contact us so that we can discuss the claim process with them. I apologise on behalf of myHermes for the inconvenience this has caused. If you require any further assistance please do not hesitate to contact us. Regards, Kenny Fernandez Customer Service Advisor myHermes Support Department.
So Hermes are saying they are so big that they can't be efficient and are unable to discover what has happened to your parcel. Presumably they don't have computers. I have never heard of Hermes (apart from the superior silk scarves and the Greek God), but sounds like I am the lucky one.
Just lucky it wasn't something unique. Amazon have agreed to send out another one so I'll start writing the complaint for when it's delayed by the snow.
That's probably the worst response to a complaint I've ever seen. "Sorry for the delay replying. We're a big company so we don't know what's going on. Try talking to the person you bought the package from." The idea they're too big to track it is quite funny. DHL, UPS, FedEx and so on seem to manage.
Apart from if DHL deliver your chicken. Why did the chicken cross the road? Because DHL dropped it at the wrong address.
https://uk.yahoo.com/news/paramedics-angry-driver-parked-close-ambulance-blocked-094457255.html Another case of inconsiderate driver and an ambulance. Parked so close on a double yellow line that they couldn't get the stretcher in or drive the ambulance away.....despite the ambulance having flashing lights on. Time was wasted while they tracked the driver down. Hope the police prosecute.
I hear The sea has frozen over in Bembridge harbour on the Oile of Wigit.... Fran can you go check that out please?
Funnily enough I was there today surveying. It was so cold I wore 2 coats! Can confirm that some of the harbour was frozen over. Wooton Creek down from Fishbourne was frozen too, as were my fingers and toes after about 5 minutes out on the beach!
Went to check if my train is still running and naturally the south western railway website is down. Luckily national rail is able to cope and tell me.
I drove the 4 or so miles from Shirley to the National Oceanography Centre in Dock Gate 4. The car park at work has less than half the amount of cars as normal! It's pretty much stopped snowing now, but meant to pick back up again from midday and get worse and worse from then on. Might be fun trying to drive home later!
