Dunna geddit

Firefighters have warned of the dangers of mishandling tools after a man's genitals became trapped in a ring spanner.

Crews were called to assist A&E staff with a patient at Royal Gwent Hospital in Newport, south Wales, on Wednesday.

They had to use their cutting equipment to remove the steel tool.

South Wales Fire and Rescue Service issued a warning on social media afterwards.

"If you're using tools, make sure you're handling as the manufacturer recommends," it tweeted.

"Crews from Maindee and Malpas had to release a steel ring spanner from a man who took tightening nuts to a new level earlier."

 

and

 

Juergen klopp

 

Used to know a nurse way back. She used to tell some stories about what went on in A&E

Cocks in the old glass milk bottle was popular. Daft ****s didn't realise that rubbing it against glass would make it swell up and get stuck and to get it out they were afraid to break the glass.

Stuff stuck up the arris was common too

The strangest was a mechanic with his cock in an adjustable wrench

 

Read a story once about a bloke who used to sit on one of those plastic garden chairs in the bathroom whilst he was getting washed. He didn't realise that the chair had a crack in the seat so when he sat down the crack opened up and trapped his bollocks. In panic he stood up again and the crack closed squashing his nuts further and making them swell up, so that there was no chance of freeing them. His wife, hearing his pained screams had to call an ambulance. The had to take him in situ on the chair to the hospital to cut the chair and free his throbbing purple gonads

 

peter Kay uses that in one of his routines. Says it was his dad on holiday

Worst one I heard/read was about a bloke who would wade into a pond naked and put bread around himself to.let the ducks nibble on his nob. They tore his scrotum

 

Two of my aunts were receptionists at Leicester Royal Infirmary ... they had many funny and also worrying stories ... more than one bloke admitted with his dick lodged in a vacuum cleaner and one poor old boy who had been drying his crown jewels in front of his gas fire when his cat 'mistook' them for a mouse ... or so he claimed

 

What about women?

There was one I heard of who came in with vaginal burns. Stupid cow had put Christmas lights up her punani and them turned them on

By far the funniest I heard was some pregnant bint walking into a&e in the early hours saying she had spots on her tongue. She said they were painless but she was worried. It was her taste buds

 

And they let people like that breed

 

Yeah that ****ing Mauricio Pochettino, what a nobber could have been a legend and gone far with Southampton and rocked up to moneybags Spurs and still hasn't won anything...

Agree with all that **** though, ****ing reality tv stars and people like Kylie Jenner and ****.

What about those talentless youtube stars like the blonde guy who got done for filming a suicide body or the likes of pewdiepie who don't actually do anything or those idiot pranksters online.

 

I studied law at university. I shall never forget studying the issue of consent, like in consenting to injury in sports like boxing or football. One of the leading cases is R v Brown. I was unaware of the case then [but I'll never forget it now] until the lecturer, a hardened [for a lawyer] Glaswegian simply said....

"Imagine if you will, the scrotum of one man being nailed to a table by another man and then beaten with stinging nettles and other objects until he passes out with the pain..."

Apparently, the bloke turns up at hospital after this S & M fest and the doctors call the police, who later found video footage of the fun. They charged those involved with ABH and 'wounding with intent' and they were found guilty, despite the bloke admitting that he wanted it done to him. The House of Lords verdict was that he couldn't have given lawful consent to such serious harm. So remember, the next time you ask someone to destroy your bollocks, they are committing a criminal offence, even if you wanted them to......

 

Cheers for that, Brian..

Think I’ll pass on that one though...

 

My sister is a nurse at Hounslow hospital and the main laughable items are remove various broken fruit and veg from women's vaginas and U2 batteries from mens arseholes.