Arsenal fans meta-data

After reading and partaking in a very helpful and informative thread on 606 regarding Arsenal fans, I thought it would be a shame for this useful information to disappear when 606 closes and so I have collated some of the information into a meta thread here hoping we can feed our minds and pass the knowledge down the generations to our children and our childrens children.

If you have any other interesting Arsenal facts please feel free to add them below.



Arsenal fans wear tinfoil hats


Arsenal fans have large stocks of tinned food and dried food.


Arsenal fans believe that a secret society rules the world


Arsenal fans believe Howard 'MUFC' Webb is leader of this secret society.

Arsenal fans do not know who George Graham or Don howe was.

Arsenal fans drive only drive diesel powered cars.

All Arsenal fans do their food shopping on a tuesday afternoon.

In Soviet Russia Arsenal supports you.

Arsenal fans believe that having the majority of possession depite managing no shots on target means they were the better team.

When 2 Arsenal fans stand side by side they usually face each other in opposite directions to keep an eye out for United fans they believe to be posing as referees.

In 1972, 3 Arsenal fans tried to cross the Thames in a rubber dingy. The dingy hit a whale and capsized leaving the 3 men in the water. Luckily 2 of the men were strong swimmers and helped the third man to safety.

A young goat is called a 'Kid'. A young Arsenal fan is called a div.

Because of their weight, which averages 13 stone, Arsenal fans require a run of more than 30 feet to become airborne.

Arsene Wenger bought a small farm at age 14 with savings from delivering newspapers.

An Arsenal fan can smell water 8 miles away?

The eyeball of an Human weighs approximately 28 grams
The eyeball of an Arsenal fan weighs approximately 6 grams

Did you know by combining the DNA of 2 unrelated arsenal fans you can infact create a Tottenham fan.

Scientists cannot explain this but feel it may have something to do with metal poisoning caused by over wearing tin foil hats.

Arsenal fans don't use condoms. They use their own personality as a contraception

The number of Arsenal fans living in the wild was drastically reduced in 2009 due to the destruction of their ancient homeland france.

Arsenal fans were the first people to use postage stamps.

if you give an Arsenal fan two litres of Tottenham fans' tears they will tell you the secret to 'football as it should be.' Unfortunately this has never happened, so no one knows football like the chosen Arsenal "supporters"

38% of arsenal fans have hairy knees

Arsenal fans whistle on the toilet so that they know which end to wipe.

3 Arsenal fans were the first people on the moon, in 1922. They just told no one about it because what they found there is the secret of their power

Arsenal fans have a peripheral vision of 5 degrees.

one fifth of Arsenal fans don't believe in cats

one fifth of Arsenal fans are cats

One fifth of Arsenal fans have no belief in themselves. 
Which is to be expected,

Arsenal fans usually live in small herds. They cannot fly but use their arms to help them change direction while running.
Theo Walcott remains a Southampton fan so is yet to master this trick

The Wheelbarrow was invented by 2 Arsenal fans from Nairobi

Theres a Wool Which Arsenal* fans are highly allergic to.
They come out in bouts of boils and sores and it can last well over 5 years.

25% of Arsenal Fans' owners blow dry their Arsenal Fan's hair after giving them a bath.

Arsenal fans are the only species able to hold their tail vertically while they walk

Arsenal fans always launch backwards for a quick getaway.

Arsenal Fans shot JFK

Arsenal fans have been known to eat the raw onions round their neck when they are exposed to stressful situations.

Arsenal fans have been known to drink diesel for improved miles per gallon ratios.

In 1914 an Arsenal fan attempted to take a bullet for the Kaiser in order to prevent world war 1. 

If you total up all the numbers on a basic keypad and divide it by 13 you have the average distance between 2 arsenal fans.

Caging of Arsenal fans was seen as cruel and there has been a huge increase in free range arsenal fans.

Rampant rabbits are the pet of choice for Arsenal fans.

The movie 'dude wheres my car' was actually based on a short story written by Arsenal fan Piers Morgan and titled 'dude wheres my trophys'

An Arsenal fan can dig an 8ft long tunnel in just one night!

Arsenal fans use their tongue as the primary organ for their sense of touch

Arsenal fans are believed to be the cause of Arselona Flu which has claimed the lives of 37 since 2008.

An Arsenal fans tongue is twice the length of its body.

This allows the Arsenal fan to groom him/her self. Other benefits include saving on every more expensive toilet roll.

Kite flying is a professional sport in Highbury.

Some Arsenal Fans are legless! They look like snakes. Look closely, if you see ear openings and moveable eyes, it’s really a Arsenal Fan.

63% of an Arsenal fans were never born

A male Arsenal fan can't kill a leopard

Arsenal fans urine glows in the dark if a black light is shone on it. This is a good way to detect Arsenal fan urine in your home.

Arsenal fans can't swallow with their eyes open.

Arsenal Fans can touch their heels with their toes.

Arsenal fans only use chairs made of wood

Monopoly is the most played board game in Highbury

Arsenal fans are born underwater

The reason Arsenal fans hail from France is due to the law in the late 1800s in London. The words cock and arse were forbidden which ment ther could be no Cockney Arsenal fans.

Arsenal fans smell with their elbows and taste with their feet.

Throughout its lifetime, an Arsenal fan goes through six sets of teeth. The Arsenal fan starves to death once the sixth set of teeth falls out.

An Arsenal fans calendar has 13 months. The 13th month is called Triangulary and the months are in a different order to a Traditional calendar.
Their year starts in September and ends in January.

No two Arsenal fans are the same and they're never born as twins, triplets or anything other than by themselves. The pregnancy lasting for several years and being extremely painful for the happy mother.
It has also been witnessed that amongst the Arsenal fan species the female eats the male after intercourse.

Arsenal fans are twice as likely to develop lower back pain than taxi drivers.

Its a well kept secret amongst Arsenal fans that Arsenal play the best football. Its so well kept infact that nobody else knows.

Part of the Emirates stadium is a used as a museum for Strawberries

Andrei Arshavin is made up of 61% Cabbage

4% of all global carbon dioxide emissions are from Arsenal fans.

Cesc Fabregas has fake eyebrows

The occiput of an Arsenal Fan is made of Carbon Fibre

16.5% of Arsenal fans have eaten a pickled egg, and 35% of that group spat it out.

11% of Arsenal Fans can't turn left

Piers Morgan is a massive Pokemon fan and has 6 copies of every card. One for every room in his house and a spare set for the car.

Arsenal fans only wear clothes from H&M

Tarmac was not invented by an Arsenal fan

Arsenal fans speak a slightly modified version of the English language. For instance, in Arsenalese theres no word for "Almost" This can be seen when Arsenal fans speak of things such as being "invincible" "Effective" "Attractive" or "Good"

The 2006 book C'est moi, le champion by Philip Waechter. Does not contain the word Arsenal

An Arsenal fan can have many uses; here are just a few:



Protect sheep/cattle & goats……… 


Once an Arsenal fan has bonded with a herd it will protect them against predators (Ipswich fan, West Brom fan, Hen) as it would one of its own. It beds down with the herd at night and on hearing any strange noises will voice a warning to the herd and chase, although rarely catching the predator.



Foal or stable companion…………


The Arsenal fan seems to have a calming effect on horses. It can be introduced to a mare and foal and on separation from its mother the foal looks to the Arsenal fan for support. In a similar way an Arsenal fan can be an excellent field or stable companion to a nervous horse.



Working Arsenal fans
…………

There are very few working Arsenal fans in London today, however, in many developing countries such as France an Arsenal fan is a person’s most prized possession being used to pull loads and carts and to work mills and wells.

The bikini was invented at the same time in 1946 by two Arsenal fans working independently of each other. Jacques Heim got his out first, calling his two-piece bathing suit l’Atome. However, rival Louis Reard trumped him by hiring a skywriter to advertise his Bikini over the Riviera, and his name stuck. Arsenal fans still wear them to this day and admission to the Emirates stadium is actually refused to any Arsenal fans not wearing the traditional apparel.

Arsenal fans are not, despite the widely held belief, allergic to spoons.

Arsenal fans believe the world is flat

Arsenal fans believe the moon is square

And made of Cheese <<<<<<< French of course

 

Very useful information this. Could help people out of tricky situations.

You did forget though that 'Arsenal fans are born without an anus thus leaving them full of ****.'

 

There are three types of Arsenal fan...
A) Of Nigerian or Ugandan descent, is accountable for 80% of the ****s who drives 3 series BMW's and sell's drug's.
B) Of Middle/Upper class English descent and uses phrases such as "Yah", "Good Egg" and "Economic growth"
C) The rare type of gooner who supported them through thick and thin is not welcome at the emirates as they are slightly negative and honest about the failure's of Arsene Wenger.


Other Gooner fact's include....

The price of an emirates season ticket is the same as the budget Nasa used to land on the moon.

The word "Gooner" in Nigerian roughly translates to "Inferiority complex".

Number's to a gooner often change and bare no resemblance to numeracy used across the world - IE 3 is greater than 12, 0 can be used as a greater number than anything if so desired.

The Carling Cup is often thought of as the least important competition in English football. However this summer could see it become "far more important" than the premier league, Champions league and La Liga.

The average age of a "kid" at the emirates is 25.

It is illegal for a gooner to talk about or include in logical thinking their £100m+ wage bill.

In an interview with the BBC now seized by Arsene's lawyer's he accidentally called the European Cup "Kryptonite".

 

In an interview with the BBC now seized by Arsene's lawyer's he accidentally called the European Cup "Kryptonite".

 

so true

 

A genius is a man who see's the future world player of the year (Ronaldo) three times but instead sign's a mediocre player for MORE money (Reyes).
A genius also ignores the advice of his scout's to sign the then unknown Didier Drogba for £100,000. Scout's, what do they know?.

A youth setup or academy is only "the best" if they produce only 1 player in 14 years, and sell's that player to a rival club for not much money.

Gooner's believe that developing youth mean's to take a young talented player, unravel anything he's ever learnt and sell him to a mediocre club. As long as there's 5 pence profit its a brilliant setup.

Gooner's believe that if a player sign's at age 30 he is a product of their youth and developed under Wenger.

Robin Van Persie would beat up Spiderman, Iron Man and the Hulk if he wasn't injured.

A petition has been started at the emirates for Fifa to outlaw goal's in football matches and instead base games on who makes the best triangles. Unfortunately the signature box is not long enough for the majority of gooner's surname's.

 

Arsenal fans consider their bank statements a trophy.

 

Ah! I wasn't aware of that. You learn something new everyday.

Whilst this is 100% true. I feel we must honour their customs and traditions when referring to them. As I mentioned in the first post

So actually, the average age of a "div" in the emirates is 25

It's an easy mistake to make tho. There is such a lot to know about these strange people.

For instance did you know an Arsenal stands up and sits down about 14 times a day.

 

Felchards

 

Most brutal example of copy and paste I've ever seen. Get some originality lads

 

You stupid **** I cut and pasted it from a thread we made.

 

That explains the originality then....

 

Borats man thong was once owned by Arsene Wenger on a goodwill visit to Cambodia in 1998.

Before his birth in 1654 Arsene Wenger was the olde english phrase for Arse Bender.

It takes 8 weeks for an Arsenal fan to turn full circle. For this reason they can only perform the action 3 times a year and only after 4pm on thursdays.

Most people use 10% of their brain capacity. Arsenal fans use 10% of their toes.

Arsenal fans were hunted to near extinction in the late 18th century. they are now a protected species.

Arsenal fans have 3 eyes. 2 act very much like any normal set of eyes but the 3rd sees the world from an Arsenal viewpoint. Many Arsenal fans only view the world through their 3rd eye.

Arsenal fans didnt see, hear or do anything no matter what you say.

People believe the show 'Shameless' is based on 'Stoops' estate in Burnley, Lancashire. I can infacat confirm this is not the case, its based on Arsenal FC. Frank is Tony Adams.

Arsenal fans can only get semis in europe.

The average Arsenal fan produces 4 tonnes of toxic waste an hour.

The following words are removed from the Arsenal dictionary, Trophies, win, success, money, first, winners, final.

Arsene Wenger is a Tottenham fan.

 

People believe the show 'Shameless' is based on 'Stoops' estate in Burnley, Lancashire. I can infacat confirm this is not the case, its based on Arsenal FC. Frank is Tony Adams.
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Lol then why do they speak in manc accents like where you li.... I mean where you occasionally go to watch football in silence with your prawn sandwhich

 

What, I know members of the cast and just happen to know the writters base it on Stoops in Burnley. It really is a shameless estate lol.

 

An Arsenal fan is responsible for the deadliest act of terrorism ever. And before any one says it, no it's not George Bush.