There was an Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman who had been friends from childhood. The reason: They all had a terrible stutter and always felt a lot more at ease in each other's company because of the same affliction. They were all out for a drink one night: Murphy the Irishman, Hamish the Scot, and Tom the Englishman. Entering the pub, Murphy said to the two other lads,"iiiiiiiitt's mmmmmmyyy rrrrrroooouund." "Ooooooookkkkkkk," said the two others. Murphy said to the barman. "pppppppiiinttt ooofff gggggginis,ddddddddddouble wwwwwwisky fffffffor hhhhhamish and a ppppint of bbbbitter." "Coming right up sir," the barman and the barma puts the three drinks on the counter, Murphy pays for them and the barman says, "cheers!" Murphy replies, "Chchchcheers!" The three lads sit down at a table. A real good looking blonde woman was at the bar the same time Murphy was ordering the drinks. She called Jim the barman over and said, "Hey Jim, do all three of those guy's stutter? "Yeah they have been coming in here for years. They have all tried everything to stop their stuttering: Acupuncture, Hypnotherapy, Pills, Potions, Faith healers, Speech therapy...You name it they have tried it." "Ar poor blokes, I feel really sorry for them." The girl ordered a martini and sat down at the table with the three stuttering blokes. Intrigued by their stuttering, she felt impelled to listen to their conversation. "A mmmurphy," said Jim, "ddo you knnow what? Wwwe bbbeen friends all ooour lives and not one of uuuus has hhhad a gggirlfriend or bbben aaasked out. DDDo yoou ttthink ists cccus we sssttutter?" The young girl without thinking, leaned over the table and said to the blokes, "Yes, I think it's because of your stuttering." The three men could not take their eyes of this stunning girl with her plunging neckline! Then she said, "I am going to give you a chance for one of you to take me out and have your wicked way with me, on one condition: You must pass my anti-stuttering test. You must say a simple sentence without stuttering. The one who says it without stuttering can take me out tomorrow night. The sentence must incorporate your name and where you live." Tom says, "I'll ggo ffirst," thinking this is the chance of a lifetime. He really tries not to stutter. He then says, "My name's Tom and I come from Mmmmmmanchester" "Oh, nearly," she said, "but not quite you stuttering babboon. Your go Hamish." Hamish, his two hands clenched so tight he is almost breaking his knuckles says, "My name's Hamish and I llllllive in Glasgow." "Oh, no you will never do." "Ok, Mmmmmurphy yoooour go," said the two other lads." Murphy, with both fingers and all toes crossed says, "My name's Murphy and I come from London....." With this, the blonde woman cannot believe her ears. Being short for time, she plunged into Murphy's hand some paper and said to him, "Ring me on this number tomorrow night." And she scurried out of the pub very briskly. The two lads cannot believe what happened. They asked, "How diiiiiid you do thatttttt Mmmmmurphy?" He turned to them and said, "ddddddddderry."--
Heard that one before... ****ing classic "As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink." "Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two." "Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in my favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!" The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. The Irishman swore every word was true. "Did this actually happen to you?" "Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times."
The general tells the young soldier how to parachute: "Look it's easy, count until 3 and pull the cord." The soldier nods with the head, gets into the airplane, and jumps... The general and the rest are watching his descent. But, he is getting closer and closer to the ground, but the parachute hasnt opened yet... The general gets nervous, and screams: Pull the damn cord. Of course, the soldier cant hear... And then they watch him land luckily on a haystack... Everyone runs to the haystack and they hear: Ttt--three. ------------------------- A bus driver asks a rider "C-C-Can I see your T-T-Ticket P-P-Please", and the man replies "N-N-No P-P-Problem here you G-G-Go". Next day the same guy rides the bus and the bus driver asks "C-C-Can I see your T-T-Ticket P-P-Please", and the man replies with perfect fluency "No Problem here it is". The bus driver replies "Aha, so you are fluent after all. So you were just making fun of me yesterday, how rude." The passenger replies "N-N-No I am a S-S-Stutterer. I was J-J-Just making fun of Th-Th-The fluent people on the bus." -----------------------------
it states no where that jim had a stutter... only the 3 boys. now either jim butted in and took the piss or pud ****ed up
Jim isn't stuttering and even if he was, he wouldn't have to state that he had a stutter, it would be fairly obvious. You can be very cruel and heartless sometimes.
I can't imagine Pud messing something up, so we'll need to assume that Jim butted in and took the piss. I find Jim's behaviour disgusting. I think an administrator should ban him from appearing in any further jokes, to be fair.
