You have to admire the ingenuity of the Catalan trader who came up with this after the Spanish government banned referendum leaflets and posters.
I'll put this here even though it is a genuine note left on somebody's car! please log in to view this image
Was helping my son install something called Steam on his phone this morning and spotted this. I'm sure it will come in handy when arguing with Americans over language...
One for BB from my friend in IoM: These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK). A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA ) A: Depends how much you've been drinking. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden) A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of? Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA ) A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe . Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not … Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA ) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do… Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA ) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? (UK) A: You are a British politician, right? Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany ) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA ) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA ) A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France ) A: Only at Christmas. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA ) A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife.."Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it's 3 am in the morning and it's bloomin' well pouring with rain out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too you know." The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing."
Looking at their written language, with its apparently incomprehensible, unpronounceable, lengthy words, I always used to wonder why the Finnish education system was regularly touted as the best in the world, until I did a little research. It is a very 'phonetic' language - unlike English (and others) there is virtually one-to-one correspondence between letters and sounds. That allows children to master the language earlier, giving more time to focus on cognitive skills - we, on the other hand, very often don't master our language until much later, which basically means learning is comparatively slower. The same is true for Korean, which is why South Korea and Finland are rated so highly by PISA - and is one of the reasons why politicians really shouldn't be using PISA results as an indicator of how education systems compare to those of other countries.
Fully inflected languages, as Finnish is, always seem harder to learn than those which have reduced the amount of declining and conjugating
I could get on one of my hobby horses here but I will spare you. Suffice to say that of the few languages I have tried to learn and have an elementary grasp of I have had arguments with tutors and both linguistic wives about the stupidity of some of the grammar which is crying out for simplification and rationalisation, why don't they sort it and make everyone's lives easier? I know English has it's moments too but at least it does not class inanimate objects masculine or feminine! I'll leave it at that and please don't tell me that it makes languages interesting (no, it's annoying) and just accept it (why?). I note that the spell check on this tells me I have spelt rationalisation incorrectly and now it's says I have spelt, spelt incorrectly, which per google is the past and past participle of spell - whatever that is......
I was at my bank today; there was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated . . . She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too" please log in to view this image please log in to view this image
You've reminded me of a line from Red Dwarf, series 5: ""This is hardly the time to be conjugating verbs in the past participle never tense."
A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window saying: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must bebilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer." A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer." The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager. By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job." The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the part about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual." The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, "Meow."
