Toby and Tyrone are beggars. They both beg in different areas of town for the same amount of time. Toby collects only eight or nine dollars every day. Tyrone brings home a suitcase of ten-dollar bills every day. He drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house, and has a lot of money to spend. 'Hey, homie,' Toby says to Tyrone, 'I beg just as long and hard as you do, so how come you bring home a suitcase full of ten-dollar bills every day?" Tyrone says, "Look at your sign, what does it say"? Toby's sign reads: "I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support." "What's wrong with that?" Tyrone asks him. Tyrone says, "No wonder you only get eight or nine dollars!" Toby says, "All right, so what does your sign say?" Tyrone shows Toby his sign. It reads, "I only need another ten dollars to move back to Africa"
3 girls died and were brought to the gates of heaven. Upon entering the gate, they were halted by St. Peter and his obedient angel. St. Peter asked the girls, "Before entering you must answer this simple question." "Which is...?", they replied in unison. "Have you been a good girl ?", he asked the first girl. "Oh yes", she said. "I was a virgin before I got married and was still virgin even after I got married." "Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl... the golden key." "Have you been a good girl?", he asked the second girl. "Oh, quite good", she said. "I was a virgin before I got married but was not after I got married." "Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl... the silver key." "Have you been a good girl?", he asked the third girl. "Oh no, not at all", she said. "I practically have sex with every guy I met before and after I got married. Anywhere, anytime". "Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl... my room key."
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?" Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor." "That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?" Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman." "Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?" Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse." The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation. Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"
Back when I was a teenager working at the "Cookie Company" I got asked out by one of my customers this one time. Went to pick her up for the date the next day. When she answered the door I didn't recognise her. She went out with me, so I assume must have been same girl. Used the same name and was same approximate height, etc... Just looked completely different. Not better... Not worse... She wore a lot of makeup both times... Literally looked like a different girl... Assuming she didn't do a switcheroo. Didn't date her more than once, didn't really like her... To this day I'm not 100% sure if I went out with the same girl who asked me out or if she switched with someone.
To surprise her husband a company executives wife decided 2 stop by her husbands office,on entering d office she saw d female secretary sitting on her husbands laps,in order 2 defend himself d husband said BUDGET CUT OR NO BUDGET CUT MANAGEMENT MUST DO SOMETIN.I AND MY SECRETARY CANNOT BE SHARING DIS OFFICE WITH JUST A SINGLE SEAT.
Peter goes into a Pharmacy & said to the pharmacist; *"Hello, could you give me a Condom !? I'm going to my Girlfriend's place for dinner & I think I may be in with a chance!"* The Pharmacist gave him the Condom & as Peter was going out, he stepped back in to the Pharmacy & say; *"Give me another Condom because my Girlfriend's Sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me & I think I might strike a luck there too !"* The pharmacist gave him a *second Condom* and as Peter was leaving, he again put another request; *"Give me one more condom because my girlfriend's Mum is still pretty cute ! & when she sees me, she always make eye contact & since she invited me for dinner, I think she is expecting me to make a move!* During dinner, Peter sat with his Girlfriend on d left, the Sister on his right & the Mum facing him When the Dad walks in, Peter lowers his head and starts the dinner prayer; *"Dear Lord, bless this dinner and thank you for all u've given us !"* Ten minutes after, Peter was still praying; *"Thank you Lord for your kindness. ...."* Ten minutes go by, and peter is still praying, keeping his head down, very close to the table. They all looked at each other, surprised & his girlfriend was even more surprised than others. So, she moved closer to him & whispered; *"I didn't know you were so religious !"* Peter with his head still on the table replies: *"I never knew your Dad was the Pharmacist !
please log in to view this image On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?" To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"
IF U THINK U CAN MONITOR UR WIFE...U'RE A LEARNER! A wife's phone rang at about 10pm & the husband who always suspects his wife picked it and said: "Who's this?". Caller : (hearing a man's voice & suspecting its the husband ) "Hello! this is Frank Edoho from "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" Your friend is on Hot- Seat & about to win Five Million Naira but needs your help. Husband : Darling!! Sweetheart!! honey !! your friend is about winning Five Million Naira from Who Wants To Be A Millionaire & needs your help Wife: (collected the phone, saw the number) & said "hello ! ...The caller continued: "You said you'll be coming tomorrow, is it ; (A) Morning, (B) Afternoon, (C) Evening. (D) nite time Wife: The answer is B. Caller: How sure are you ? Wife: Pretty sure! ...Call ended !!!
