The true story was A. The story in B - the party happened but there was no cousin and no getting kicked out (and I'm not certain if it was his house or someone else's).
Oh, but it is true, I'm afraid, Pix. We all know that you desperately don't want it to be true, but that does not alter the fact of the story's verity. See, this is the kind of thing that I am continually protecting you from, Pix. If you knew the full truth, it would utterly destroy you.
At the risk of sounding like HIAG........ I ended up studying at Oxford University without even applying for a place. I lost a place at Cambridge University by getting so stressed during the interview that I told them to stick their university up their arses. Which one is true?
I would add, to make this even more uncomfortable for Pixie that the aforementioned stunner isn't the only model I have dated. And before any of you think about wumming... no, I am not suggesting that I ****ed all over an Airfix kit!
You tosser I was spunking over Nina Cater before she met the knob who apparently played a keyboard... and Vanya.
One of them was at Cambridge with me. She spoke like she had a plumb in her mouth, mate. Of course, most of the time she had my plums in her mouth, not that she could say much on those occasions. The point I'm trying to make is that there is nothing hornier than an intelligent yet gorgeous bird, with a hoity-toity upper-crust accent screaming utter filth at you between mouthfuls of your scrotum. Most of you lads are going to have to trust me on this.
