It doesn't get easier tbh mate. I only had about 4/5 months with grandad in the end but it was 24/7. Feeding him, clothing, cleaning etc and I am not sure he knew who was for most of it. He remembered things from when I was a kid is from his youth but not the present so much Its funny as the uncle who has it now popped over while I was with grandad and we Asians have these "respect" customs where its really rude to call elders by their name and worse by their nickname's. Uncle would get vexed at me calling grandad by his nickname until he realised it was the only way to get him to respond. Now he is the same almost Went to see my uncle with my dad a few weeks ago and he spent the whole time talking to me referring to me as my mums dead brother
Yeah it's no fun eh. A couple of years ago when my Dad was first diagnosed, he came out of hospital after a bout of Pneumonia. He was in a poor state and needed help going to the toilet etc. My Mum was tearing her hair out, so I went and stayed with them for a week or so to help out. I was helping my Dad get cleaned up after he'd shat himself and I'm there on my knees wiping down his legs. He was clearly embarrassed. Then I could hear my daughter who was only 1 year old at the time, coming up the hallway, shouting 'Poo, Poo'. I'm saying to her, 'It's okay, don't worry, it's no problem' trying not to embarrass my Dad and further, she carries on saying 'Poo, Poo' so I turn around and notice that she's got **** running down her leg too. I didn't know which way to turn, who's **** to deal with first. On the one hand I had a flailing parent needing my help, on the other my baby/toddler also needing my help. It was at that precise moment I realised that I had reached middle age
Sadly, this is an identical situation to me with my dad. Last I saw was when I took my eldest to watch United last game of the season but my parents are down visiting next weekend and I'm dreading the change. If there is one, I speak to my mum regularly it sounds like there is but it could be that to us there's not as much noticeable deterioration. I'll see soon enough. It's dreadful. It's impossible to avoid the thought that being out of it is the best solution. Good long innings and that, a better conclusion than it being draw out for years . For definite.
Its true what they say elderly and kids are the same. I genuinely believe that had my grandmother been alive things would have been different for my grandad and it makes me value my wife more tbh. Basically because of what you described. The hardest thing for my grandad was the "indignity" of soiling himself and being cleaned by my aunt, for example and the young grandkids running away screaming " eugh he's done a ****" etc. My being with him took away the fuss and the advertising that this once great man was unable to control his bowels. There is always those bastards who had sly digs and my being there meant they kept their mouths shut as I would literally fight them. It was all jealousy as my grandad had done well for himself and is in books etc
Sorry to hear that Chief. I don't want to sound all knowing or anything mate but if its noticeable to your mum it certainly will be moreso for you. My uncle lives in Lancashire and I take my dad up every month or so to see him. Dad rings regular and my uncles wife and kids will say oh its the same or this has changed, makes it sound minor. But then we go up and its noticeably more Its like watching your kids grow, you don't notice it but in nephews and nieces if you see them after a month they look massive Strange how its the men in our lives and massive respect for the mums/wives who take it in their strides
Sorry to hear that fella. My Dad has vascular dementia, which tends to take step declines, rather than a gradual downwards trend. So he can jog along fairly happily for a while, then it takes a noticeable drop. He's not doing too badly at the moment considering, but his ability to have a proper conversation is gone. It's one sentence now (on a good day), any more than that and his brain has scrambled his thoughts. Is your dad getting any support other than from your mum ? My old man goes to a memory cafe and he has a support worker come in once a week to give my my mum a break. I try and do as much as a can, but juggling a job, family, kids etc isn't easy, as I'm sure everybody on here knows.
Mine is very early on set really, which is why the changes are not that clearly discernible to us. My Mum notices more living with him constantly so I think it's more the bad days are remembered more than when he settles back to being relatively ok. He's fine for the most part but is obsessive of certain things (traffic and weather being the two main ones) and forgetful. Whistles all the time, which he can't hear he's doing. He's very much at the stage that would have not long ago been described as old age. It'll get worse though, it's fairly obvious. He's happy with it, which is a good thing. My brother lives round the corner from them but I live 200 miles away so I'm dreading it getting really bad. It will hopefully plateau out, not sure I can handle if it were to become at a stage when he doesn't know who anyone is and other such scenarios.
My gran died after having it around 18 months ago, she was 83. She lived for around 7 years after she was first diagnosed, and enjoyed a decent social life, within reason for about 4-5 of them. They say it's harder for the family to deal with than it is for the patient, and in my family's case I think that's probably true.
I'd say definitely. My grandma (my Mum's Mum so I think she probably feels cursed by the sodding thing) also suffered with it until her death. Was for between four and seven years, I'm not completely clear on how long it lasted to be honest as was a while back. She was happy as a pig in ****. Really happy. She was never 100% on whether I was me or our kid but that was ok, not the end of the world. She carried on living with my Grandad and he had help with her, as did my Mum, but at least she wasn't miserable with it.
Yeah in terms of the patient they don't suffer physically much until the end, I think it got to a point with my gran where she wasn't eating or drinking and her body shut down, but even then I'm not sure how much they actually consciously suffer. We stopped visiting with about 18 months to go as she was getting angry and scared with visitors. My auntie who is my gran's youngest, persevered right until the last day with her, every day she visited unless they were on holiday.
