Man walks into a pub and sees there is a White Horse serving behind the bar . He says " Did you know they sell a whiskey in here named after you " ? The Horse replies " What , Eric " ?
Be careful, there's a gangster going around pulling up the back of peoples pants, "I think his name is Wedgie Kray."
It's been seven hours and fifteen days since my wife left me because of my obsession with Sinead O'Connor.
My friend just asked me to be Usher at his wedding. I said I'll try and learn a few songs but I won't be able to do the dance moves.
Can do Chilcs, if you're really bored I've been training my racing snail, and took his shell off thinking the reduced weight would make it faster. It's actually more sluggish than before
Due to a water shortage in Ireland, Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8....
Please raise the standard of jokes on here. My cheek muscles are disappearing through lack of enforced exercise.
Man runs into a bar and says to the Barman give me 3 treble whiskies quick. The Barman puts them on the counter and the man knocks them back. He said to the Barman I shouldn't of had them with what I've got. The Barman asks what's That? The man replies 50p
That's a bit better... I smirked. Let's have no lower than this: French police caught a gang of thieves who had tried to steal paintings from the Louvre in Paris. They only got caught because their getaway vehicle wouldn't start. When the cops asked the gang leader what went wrong, he replied " We didn't have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh ".
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
