Where Am I? UK and EIRE Edition

I am at a small village within the historic province of Ulster; current population of the village stands at approximately 1300; the village has won several awards for its excellent upkeep
The village was first recorded in the late 1400s, though it is believed St Colomba passed through during the mid 6th century; the village offered refuge to many who fled the union of Scotland and England under the reign of James I
The village had its own railway station for just over a hundred years before its closure during the 1950s; a world-renowned steel construction is located within the parish and offers employment to many locals
Notable residents from the past include a Church of Ireland Archbishop, the mother of a British Prime Minister, and a Manchester United goalkeeper who also played many times for Northern Ireland

I am at a town in South East England; the current population stands at roughly 14,500; the nearest river is a tributary of the River Ouse
During the mediaeval era, the town became a popular stopping-off point for pilgrims on their way to Canterbury; Queen Elizabeth II has been known to the visit the town’s C of E church and newsagent
The town has suffered from extensive flooding in recent years and has even been depicted on the cover of a Ladybird book on climate change; the town’s two football teams merged in 2014 and now play in the Southern Combination league
The town’s picturehouse dates back to 1916 and is one of the oldest in the country; Lord Lucan is heavily associated with the town, as is controversial tycoon Nicholas van Hoogstraten

I am at a small coastal village in south-west Scottish; the village’s first records dates back to the early 13th century and its name is probably of Cumbric origin
Robert the Bruce lost a skirmish to the English in a nearby field; a castle is located within the local parish, which the late, great Ponders visited during the summer of 2011
The seaboard is low and sandy and features in a Walter Scott novel; the geology is mainly Devonian, with limestone workings and sandstone quarries nearby
Former residents include a mountaineer, a prominent travel writer and feminist, and a baronet who lost his family seat through gambling

 

Walter Scott invented tartan im hearing

 

Who am I? Originally from a small coastal Scottish town steeped in the proud Protestant tradition of John Knox, I instantly found myself at odds with 99% of the residents and rather than reveal my true allegiances, I decided to hide in the shadows hoping that my vile secret would never be uncovered. I joined various websites for *****philes and stumbled upon Not606 where my unrepentant fenian ways came to the fore. I married a large African lady who cuckolds me with large cocked tribal relatives. I sell shoddy American property and yield the yields.

Where am I? I am surrounded in burst couches and white goods in the streets. The men speak a language of eastern origin and smoke cigarettes, the women are cloaked in veils and a rather obese Croatian wonders about aimlessly whining about an ex girlfriend who left him for guys with better prospects. This area was once known for its affluence but is know synonymous for racial prejudice and depravation.

 

Venom & Any place in the UK. More specific please

 

Ponders, you can **** right off, BH edited his to copy my answers over 50 minutes after I had put them down. Good day to you and your ****ey quiz. Prick.

 

1. Ballinamallard (for the record, I don't think Roy Carroll lived there, he just played for their football team)

2. Uckfield

3. Cummertrees


You can give BH my prize, just like you did with my other one.

 

****'s in his early 40s ffs!!!

 

Aww you guise

 

I didn't notice that, I'm afraid. Apologies for any distress caused.

It's obvious I lack Ponders' quizmastery skills, so it's best we end this particular endeavour forthwith.

Bye.

 

I assume I also won the 2nd quiz too?

 

I haven't looked, if truth be known.

 

Wit a ****y Divafest that turned out to be.

 

*Devafest

 

Stone PMSL

 

Big Jessie ^^^^

 

Jig Bessie ^^^^

 

Too true, Waldo. Grown men getting upset about a quiz is a rum do. A very rum do.

 

"rum do"