Two Irish fellas walking down the road. One of them gets hit by a passing bus He is lying on the floor bleeding, and clearly dying. His mate says "should I run and get the priest? " "What are you talking about?I think I'm dying – it's certainly not the time to think about sex! "
I saw an advert for a penis enlargement, it stated it could make any mans penis look twice as big! I ordered one and the cheeky bastards sent me a magnifying glass!
My uncle died the other day - he drank a bottle of varnish. The doctor said he had a terrible end, but a lovely finish.
Two blondes were in a building when it catches fire. "Quick! Let"s jump out the window!" one yells to the other. "What? Are you crazy? We"re on the 13th floor!" comes the reply. The first blonde puts her hands on her hips and, with a stern look, says, "listen here miss, this is not the time to get superstitious."
Got the last question wrong in the pub quiz last night. Apparently the place where women mostly have curly hair is Africa.
A guy just knocked on my door and asked who my energy supplier was, apparently, "Red Bull", wasn't the answer he was looking for.
With the General Election looming, there's quite a lot of political jokes doing the rounds. The worst thing is, that some of them will probably get elected.
A Catholic priest and a rabbi are walking down the street one day when they see a pair of angelic-looking 12-year-old boys playing football in the park. The priest turns to the rabbi, nudges him in the ribs and says: "I tell you what; lets go and screw those boys" The rabbi looked at him curiously and answered: "Out of what?"
BREAKING: Burnley have signed unknown talent José Bartonola on an 18 month deal. please log in to view this image
Breaking News: Sergio Aguero is out of his coma and making a full recovery! please log in to view this image
I can remember my first day at school. The teacher looked at me during register and asked, "Are you chewing?" I said, "No, Chew Wing is probably one of the Asian kids, my name is Simon!"
Have YOU had to walk 500 miles? Were you advised to walk 500 more? You could be entitled to compensation. Call the Pro Claimers NOW.
