Dear worried. You clearly have a lot of anxieties and this is not good for your health. I suggest you have more frequent sex with your wife to help relieve the stress. Good luck.
Dear Obi, I have this fat a **** mate who I keep taking the piss out of for looking like a balloon. Should I: a) carry on ripping the piss out of the fat waster b) try to be fake and pretend he is slim and all is well c) take him out for a big mac and fries x 10 and talk through his weight issues Ta ACS
Dear Albert Watch Full Metal Jacket then get all the lads to put bars of soap in their socks (Roland might have a spare sock) and then use them to beat the crap out of the fatboy. Can you share with us who it is?
No mate. you might find out that way so 'he' needs to remain anonymous..... We could go KFC if needs be....
Dear Albert. Sounds like 'he' needs to burn off some calories. As he is your mate, tell him the next time you are away on business so he can do an all night session with your missus.
No problem at all. Oh and tell her that 'he' likes Tescos chicken madras. Apparently. Possibly. Just a hunch.
Bit like in the Australia / Zimbabwe test match a few years ago - Glen McGrath was getting frustrated because he couldn't dismiss the Zimbabwean player Eddo Brandes. McGrath: “Why are you so fat?” Brandes “Because when we come here on tour I go round to your house and **** your wife and every time I do, she gives me a biscuit.”
Indeed. Albert's wife provides lovely biscuits. Her buns, baps and muffins are pretty good too. So I hear.
He probably got sent to Australia for nicking an onion (or a loaf of bread) or something like that - transportation was still an option back in the day when he was a lad....
Not so I had to pay ten pounds to come to Australia, we were known here as the " Ten quid tourists " Even if I had had not come here I still believe Australia would have been successful
