Off Topic The Sullivan & Gold Comedy Corner

Only 6 pts ahead of Hull and Swansea now, looking at their last 5 matches they won't want to need too many pts from those

 

If Swansea got a result against them next weekend things could get interesting (read: f'n hilarious)

 

Slaven seeking funding to replace over half of his players next season...

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Won't that be covered by the parachute payments?

 

Not after the board have 'wetted their beaks'.

 

Take your pick in today's comedy.... it's not a Groundhog April 1st, is it?

1. West Ham want to sign Jack Wilshere from Arsenal in the summer and are willing to spend £30m on the 25-year-old England midfielder. (£30m - should that be k rather than m??)

2. West Ham have been linked with Newcastle manager Rafael Benitez (Really??? Maybe he's enjoying the challenge of the 2nd tier so much he wants to stay there)

And in other news, Bilic isn't worried about his position at West Ham. (No, course he's not - when the worst that can happen is not being the Spammers manager in the Championship!!)

 

The question of naming rights to the London Stadium has been in the news. Some say that the interested party (I think it was Vodaphone) will pay the owners of the stadium exclusively. Others say that Wet Spam get a percentage (even, and I am feeling nauseous as I type this, up to 50%).

Firstly Wet Spam are tenants (not that you'd know it as we the taxpayer appear to be paying them to be there), and they must be tenants cos they argue that they're not responsible for costs like policing because they're tenants; and

Secondly why is it that the facts about this rather important multi-million transaction are not known in black and white. If Wet Spam are somehow unjustifiably entitled to a percentage than the fact they are and what percentage it is should be in the public domain and accompany these news stories. As a publicly owned stadium, all this stuff should be in the public domain!

 

For reasons best known to nobody, The Spammers would be due 50% of any amount in excess of £4m P.a. As the place isn't worth that much, on this occasion they get nothing - makes a change.

 

So how much should each and every British taxpayer expect to make from this?

 

I think the stadium should be named after each and every taxpayer alive at the time the deal was struck. 40 million names inscribed around the side of the building would be an apt tribute. It would also cost West Ham a fortune every time they had to print the venue name on a matchday program, and commentators would spend the best part of a year simply announcing, "Thank you for joining us at the....".

 

Years ago, on the day of the bid award, the mayor of Newham council,
when harassed by BBC London on why his council constituents should
be wasting money on that bid, pronounced : For 30% of that.

So once again : what EXACTLY is "that" ??
30% of the revenues from any stadium naming rights ?? Sales of pies on match day ??

What exactly is the ROI the citizens of Newham can look forward to
their council receiving in their coffers ??

 

That point in the football cycle has arrived and the difficult question has to be asked and answered:

"When they get relegated again should we help them out by taking a player or two off their wage bill?"

It's too easy to mock and decry the current Spammers players. Sure, Noble would be better boiled down for glue and Carroll's only use is to medical science. However, Jermain Defoe and Scott Parker's purchases were 'Gift Aid' buys. Maybe now is the time to forgive Brady's big-mouthed stupidity and the allegations that we 'did a Watergate' at the old Lego Towers.

So, should we take Lanzini or Cresswell? Can we give a home to a mistreated Winston Reid? Could James Collins do some labouring on our new stadium?

 

James Collins does look like your typical 'arse crack builder'

Wouldn't say no to Lanzini or Antonio. The rest can enjoy life playing at a more suitable level for their limited ability.

 

(EDIT : I was wrong on Antonios' age) .

I sanction an unsettling campaign starting now, and culminating in on-pitch
tapping up from the England Spurs on the day we play the Spanners
at the White elephant.

If only to add to :

http://www.skysports.com/football/n...am-contract-talks-at-a-standstill-sky-sources

 

West Scam manager Slaven Bilic has urged his Hammers players to "forget about egos" as they look to steer clear of the relegation zone. (Guardian)

Wouldn't the club have been better off if the three dunces in the boardroom forgot about their grossly inflated egos?

 

<a meaningful and valid point>

 

It's fair to say we are all Swans this weekend (after our game)

 

That went well.

 

^
A meaningful and valid point.

 

Thank you

Seriously though, are you all so bitter about the spammers getting a cheap ground that you want them relegated or is it a deep seated southern thing?