The Official Stoke City Humour Thread:

Don't tell me someones nicked Nick!! they obviously don't want this getting out!!

 

Quality Nicky rep coming your way!

 

Before the next episode of BRITGATE, a newsflash from the BET 365 Stadium...our on the spot newshound says that a delegation from Wright's Pies are demanding to see the Chairman and Manager, they are presenting a petition demonstrating against the purported 'sacking' of popular coach Gerry Francis. the petition signed by all workers says; 'Mr Francis is a wonderful customer of ours, he is personally responsible for 35% of our total output and obviously 35% of our turnover (Pounds Sterling, NOT Apple turnovers). We are a small family firm and cannot afford these losses and implore Stoke City to rescind their decision'.

Mr Francis is reported to be heartbroken, saying that there is no substitute for a Wright's Balti Chicken Pie, a jumbo sausage roll down the bush does not do it for me anymore'.

More news on this later.

Meanwhile the conspiracy grows apace, it emerged yesterday evening that an outbreak of 'spread betting' has occurred regarding the number of goals that Stoke City will score in their last five games, the spread is 0 to 1, with all bookmakers at 1 / 10 on, except one, whose spread is 0 to 0 at 150 / 1. That bookmakers name will remain secret, oh all right it ends in 365.

Stoke's Welsh Maestro/Dragon held a news conference at his underground headquarters rumoured to be in PyongPang ( or Blurton ), before an assembled array of the tea lady, laundry lady and his trusted No2 Dave (Mein) Kempf, he unveiled his PLAN B, 5 games left so it's gonna be five goalless draws!!!

The audience was astounded, the club need a new tea urn and Mr Kempf had to be dragged out of the tumble dryer by the local fire brigade.

More to follow after the game today, when further developments will be revealed.

 

ADAM is off why Pulis? IF we lose this lead now I will have you beheaded? Whitehead.. do we not sit back and defend AGAIN?

 

Potts,

They pulled it off, excellant result, now don't feck up next week and we should be ok.

 

Oi - this is a humour thread - not Stoke, oh hang on...

 

Clulis owes today's points to you Nicky. You revealed that he was going with his plan B
So because that ploy was exposed , he had to change to the previously untried plan X
And Harry just did not see it coming. Well done Nicky!

 

Koskikabow,

I think that you are over crediting their mental capacity.

 

Thank you KKB.

You have shown that you are an extremely perceptive fellow.

I used my Ultra VHF Hyperspace ESP Neural IntraInterogatory transmitter to contact Pulis on Subliminary frequency - er I texted him.

 

For a minute there i thought you were going to say you kicked him in the ar*e.

 

Well someone's a**e must of had a kicking before K.O. yesterday. More of the same from now on in!

 

Potts,

They must have stood in a circle then, must be the management conga!!

 

New rumours:

Out:
Asmir Begovic - Aresnal/Man Utd/ Man City/ Chelsea
Kenwyne Jones - Swansea/Cardiff
Wilson Palacios - QPR / Released
Glenn Whelan - Sheffield Wednesday
Jon Walters - Cardiff
Ryan Shotton - Cardiff
Dean Whitehead- Derby

In:
Jack McInerney - Philadelphia Union
Graham Zusi - Sporting Kansas City
Rod Fanni - Marseille
Karim Guede - ŠK Slovan Bratislava
Eslad Zverotic - BSC Young Boys
Will Hughes - Derby
John Brayford - Derby
Romelu Lukaku (Loan) - Chelsea
Charles N'zogbia - Aston Villa
Jolean Lescott - Man City
Jack McInerney - Philadelphia Union
Jed Wallace - Portsmouth
Luke Murphy - Crewe

 

A humour thread indeed Sir:

Fannis and Young Boys, shame on ye!

 

Joke of the Month/Year/Ever

Dave Kempt - 49 points for Stoke,

 

The joke his Dave Kemp..
He lives on another planet.

how's about we employ the Chuckle brother's
Aka Gary and Phil Neville? As rumoured a day or so back.

Both know football, both we're full backs problem sorted in that department. Take in turns to fill in at full back. To me to you, to you to me.

Biggest problem I do have if it happened. Neither have Managed before.

 

Could they be any worse than you know who.

I don't know if I am in the minority but I always rated Gary Neville, what was it 5 England Managers picked him, can't all be wrong...hang on, course they can.

Thought that G. Neville and Beckham down the right for England were extremely effective.

 

Yes it was five Nicky
For me, Gary Neville was the better full back but, what do I know! I know both could still do a job for us. Teaching Wilko and Co how to tackle then PASS the ball.
One of the best fullbacks ever to play for England, probably because he played for Utd. Went to the training ground today, asked where Pennant was.

The reply was I kid you not.. " Who why are you asking about him" Pretty obvious that they are under orders from Prof Clueliss not to say anything me thinks. And no sign of Palacios or Etherington either. It was a bit like playing a game of Cludo. Who done what, where and when to Pennant. I'll go with having it off with Miss Pulis in the Potting shed.

 

Bloody hell and they want to sell season tickets -

 

Not a chance In hell whilst he's still here.. I said it and I meant it! He's sent me Potty the little weed.