Terrible Crime

I had a courier job and needed to deliver a package to Government department in Whitehall, when I arrived there was this tall bloke outside the Ministry doing a really odd walk up and down. Seemed silly at the time.

 

I was talking to a boke in the pub who claimed he'd killed his wife. To prove it he took he to his house and there she was buried in the garden with her arse sticking out and his bike parked there.

 

My Auntie said she was snorkeling around a small island in the ocean and she walked up the beach to see a man who'd been shipwrecked. She asked if he wanted a drink and undid one of the zips on her wetsuit and gave him whiskey from her hip flask. She asked him if he wanted a smoke and undid another zip on her wetsuit and pulled out a cigar. She then asked if he wanted to play around and started to unzip the main zip running down her wetsuit when he shouted out "Why? Have you got a set of golf clubs in there?" She then zipped herself up and swam off, said he was such a twat as she was about to f.uck his brains out.

 

RIP GC

 

Two pager though, on such a dog of a thread! Woo-hoo!!

 

You are not invited to the funeral.

 

Can I piss on the grave when it's over?

 

You'll do no such thing.

 

Sorry I'm late guise, got into an argument with some prick who was demanding a shrubbery.