A quick look at Olly's avatar suggests that irony isn't his strong point - three Muslim Arsenal players...
These glorious insults are from an era "before" the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words (apologies if you've read them before): A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir, " said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress." "He had delusions of adequacy ."- Walter Kerr "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."- Winston Churchill "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."- Clarence Darrow "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway) "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."- Moses Hadas "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."- Mark Twain "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."- Oscar Wilde "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one."- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."- Winston Churchill, in response. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."- Stephen Bishop "He is a self-made man and worships his creator."- John Bright "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."- Irvin S. Cobb "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."- Samuel Johnson "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."- Paul Keating "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."- Charles, Count Talleyrand "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."- Forrest Tucker "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"- Mark Twain "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."- Mae West "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."- Oscar Wilde "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."- Andrew Lang (1844-1912) "He has Van Gogh's ear for music."- Billy Wilder "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it."- Groucho Marx
A lone sniper was just about to assassinate Donald Trump. Just at the last moment, one of the President's bodyguards spotted him. He immediately shouted "Mickey Mouse! Mickey Mouse!" A shot rang out and Trump fell dead. As his aides gathered round the body, one of them asked the bodyguard why he had shouted, "Mickey Mouse" 'I'm sorry" he said, "I meant to shout "Donald, duck!"
I saw that a long time ago and I'd forgotten just how funny it was! ps:- Shame it wasn't a real gun, I can't stand Mister Bloody Bean!
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-tayside-central-41122909 Serious case, but so funny. Naked couple, 72 yo man & his 69 yo wife, run amok in a Scottish hotel. The naked wife threatened to shoot hotel employee 'Miss Titkova' - the name alone makes me suspicious.