A tweet made me laugh, it was along the lines of this. WARNING - SNOW FORECASTED. SOUTHENERS - stock up on essentials, don´t leave your house or drive. NORTHERNERS - time to don the flat cap!
In the great days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel. After welcoming his replacement and showing the usual courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches etc) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said, "You must meet my Adjutant, Captain Smithers, he’s my right-hand man, he's really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless." Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a humpbacked, one eyed, toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three feet tall. "Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself." "Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines. I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events, and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight division at the Olympics. I have researched the history of....." Here the colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind that Smithers, he can find all that in your file. Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to f*** off!!!"
Thanks dave - one of the few ads that ever caught my imagination & stuck. Still get a laugh out of it...
I love all the Toyotas I have had although I might upgrade to a Lexus when the current one dies (oh I forgot they don't die...)
Posted by a friend on Facebook: Interesting starting instructions with chainsaw.... Hold handle with both hands (thumbs down). Press and hold safety lock-out. Switch on at on/off switch, then you can release safety lock. HOW MANY HANDS DO THEY THINK I HAVE!!!
One afternoon a Tory politician was being driven home to his country mansion in his government limousine when he saw two men at the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his chauffeur to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, “Why are you eating grass ?”… “We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “We have to eat grass.” “Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you,” the Tory said. “But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there eating grass under that tree.” “Bring them along,” the Tory replied. Turning to the second poor man he stated, “You may come with us, also.” The other man, in a pitiful voice, then said, “But sir, I also have a wife with me - and six children!” “Bring them all as well,” the Tory answered. They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the Tory and said, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.” The Tory replied, “Glad to do it. You’ll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high.”