Photoshop/Jokes/GIF Thread

Little girl ask's her grandma, "What did you do before the internet was invented Nan". "You are the 67th grandchild to ask me that". Came the reply.

 

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/football...pionship-arsene-wenger-in-action-for-strasbo/

Arsene looks like Fellaini without Dense Afro

 

I heard this on Talksport today. In an interview with Emanuel Frimpong (former Arsenal player just been released by his Russian club).
Emanuel what is your fave Insect
"Antelope."
What is your fave Cheese.
"Dunno the name but its Yellow."

 

Shades of Liverpool?

 

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'
I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfit s. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

 

Teacher says "Today children, we are going to study geography can anyone tell me where Pakistan is". Little Johnny says. "Yes miss he is outside playing football with Pakidave". Not racist just funny.

 

please log in to view this image

 

Impending Legislation
There are important questions to be answered about recent proposed
LGBTI restroom legislation and whether transgender people will be
permitted to use a restroom of the gender that they "identify" with or
be required to use the restroom of their biological gender.

If the latter, will public restrooms be required to have a Genital
Inspection Station posted at the entrance to all public restrooms?

Who will have to pay these Pecker Checkers, the people using the
restroom, or the entity that owns the restroom?

And how much money will a Pecker Checker be paid to check peckers?

Or, do we pay a Pecker Checker by the number of peckers checked?

How many peckers can a Pecker Checker check if a Pecker Checker could
check peckers?

What has this country come to when the Department of Prime Minister &
Cabinet has to create a new job description for Politically Correct
Restroom Service Inspectors?
Please don’t dismiss this very important question as mere scuttle butt
it is important and serious !!!!
And will their motto be ... "If You’ve got to pee – we’ve got to see!"

 

please log in to view this image

He lied on his resume about previous sheepdog experience.

 

The England team visited an orphanage in Russia yesterday.

"It's heartbreaking to see their little faces with no hope" said Vladimir, aged 6.

 

My blonde wife and I got into an argument because I accused her of being stupid.

Eventually she jumped up out of her chair and yelled, "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't walk out that door!"

I replied, "The plane hasn't landed yet."

A dog may well be a man's best friend.

But a cat will never tell the police where your marijuana is.

 

Ohhhh sh1t

 

Finally something Stan and Ginge agree with, Phew!

 

Nope, not having that.