Off Topic Mock the week - Scenes we'd like to hear

The topic is - What a player would never say when joining a club ?

 

I'd never heard of this Chinese club before they bid for me, but they offered me a ****load of money, so I'm here.
It's like retiring really, so don't expect me to put in too much effort, ok?

 

.

 

I dived to get the penalty because we needed to get back into the match

 

I only came here for the money and my agent said it would benefit my career.

 

The manager told us to target their best player, he said take it in turns and you wont get booked.

 

It hasn't always been my dream to play for Manchester City, to be honest I didn't know they existed before now.

 

I didn't really join Liverpool for Champions league football, they barely ****ing qualify these days. They just offered me a **** load more money than Southampton.

 

Paul Pogba?

 

My agent told me to swap the leafy lanes of Hampshire for the grim streets of Liverpool because he was on 20% of my signing on fee.

 

I am hoping a knuckle-dragging senior player does not :

1. Fancy my wife
2. Get injured very often

 

Fcuk this white shirt my agent told me I'd be joining Arsenal.

 

I joined Southampton as a stepping stone to Liverpool.

 

I'm into swinging and John Terry is still part of the club.

 

I'm very happy to join Manchester Rovers.

 

Playing Chelsea today in a very important game......I'll just slip down the shop.

 

On joining Sunderland... Someone said the managers daughter is right up for it.

 

I'm really not good enough but we'll be relegated and it's much easier in that league so it should all be OK.

 

I did a quick trawl on Adultwork and Stoke definitely has the most BBW escorts with them big blue veins.