Match Thread FC Kuala Lumpit v The Swans

Versus

The South Wales derby, AKA The Sell outs v The Swans

Sunday 3rd November 4pm @ Legoland.

Capacity: 27,060 (all seated and all facing the wrong way)
Team Nickname: The Red Tits (thanks to Phil and Aussie for that)
Year Ground Opened: 2009
Shirt Sponsors: Visit Malaysia
Home Kit Colours: Unknown
Away Kit Colours: Unknown

Franchise FC have also won awards for being family club of the year. Unfortunately for them it was for The Addams Family Club of the year

This is the first time we have ever played a team from Malaysia. The club are giving free transport for our fans travelling to Legoland. It is highly unlikely they will pay for hiring out jumbo jets when franchise FC relocate their home games to Malaysia. The Malaysian owners were also interviewed recently by a local reporter who asked "so how close do you think you now are from a really good team?"
"About 40 miles" came the reply


We will be the ones wearing our traditional colours of all white, they will be the ones wearing.... Um not sure to be honest, may be red or yellow or could be even green, we will try and find out. PGF assures me the one colour they won't play in is blue.


Team News....... Well we play football and they do hoofball. They will be the ones with 10 men behind the ball hoofing it up and hoping for the best, we will be the ones in possession most of the time and passing it about trying to play creative football (thanks to Norway for finding out their tactics for me)

Some interesting facts about franchise FC and their adopted home. (For now)

The head of recruitment is Kazakhstani Alisher Apsalyamov, a part time painter and decorator and occasional toilet cleaner, here he is for you.......
View attachment 27289


Did you know that Cardiff fans and sperm have something in common ? Amazing but true, One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being

In 1897 Cardiff Corporation appointed a mole-catcher.

Cardiff has more green space per person than any other UK core city, so why not go and have a wander around Roath recreation ground or Bute Park where as it goes there a plenty of bewts you could spot.

Dr Who and it's spin off series Torchwood are filmed in Cardiff. According to an episode of Dr Who there is a split in time and space that runs through Cardiff allowing the scum of the universe to travel through and live in the city. This is unconfirmed however because we haven't been able to contact the shows writer Russell T Davies, who incidentally was a pupil at Olchfa.

The singing at sporting events in Cardiff is brilliant to be fair. The last time I was in Cardiff, the intricate close harmonies involved in "You're Gonna Get Your ****ing Heads Kicked In" was amazing.


After some extensive research we have found out the identities of some of the other Malaysian employees at Legoland, so see if you can spot the following people when you're there......( thanks to Project and Swim for the undercover work)

The traffic warden is No Pah King.
The bloke who changes the bulbs in the floodlights is Wai So Dim
The customer service manager is called Sum Ting Wong
The burger van man is called Wha Yu Mun Ching
The valet is Wa Shing Ka

Also thanks to Valley and Never for finding out Daiswan isn't banned, he doesn't post anymore because he was jailed for the following graffiti found at Legoland. It was FFS that actually did it but Dai got the blame........

"This story cannot be true
A painter and decorator, Cardiff’s new number two
He came to help paint Cardiff red
He ended up becoming an inbred
I laughed so hard, tears I cry
A new right hand man, for Malkay MacKay
He’s now Scouting for Vincent Tan
Thank God I’m not a Cardiff fan
Can Cardiff fans take any more of this ****
Has this guy, even got a work permit ?
Has this made Malkays position untenable
Is Vincent Tan, mentally stable ?
He’s treating Cardiff City like its a toy
Now he’s introduced us to his new Rent Boy
Malkays left scratching instead of tapping his head
His number two won’t bring a ball to training, but a brush and roller set instead
They say he’s Tan’s Son’s friend
When will this farce, ever end
Do we have to wait until he goes broke
He’s turned Cardiff City into an absolute joke
You all slap your heads, if Im honest it makes you look like a bit of a twat
Your new manager will end up being Borat"


I had no idea FFS was a poet, he tells us he got his inspiration from reading recent posts by Vetch and Project on the Legolanders board

Travel tips for those travelling to the game............

Please ensure you have your innoculations, highly contagious diseases are running amok in Cardiff and we do not need you bringng back diphtheria, the bubonic plague or turning into an arsehole.
Do not eat the pies, they are made by Claaaaaarks and they are horrible. Also avoid drinking daaaaaaaaark because there is a very serious side effect, you start slapping your head and look like a twat. Here is photographic evidence of what can happen.......
View attachment 27291
They are Ian, Bob and Swamp. The gormless little fcuker is none other than little Jonny

Please beware of anyone trying to sell you lucky heather or offering to tarmac your drive because Cardiff has the highest gypsy population in the whole of the UK.

At the ground if you fancy a pint they will serve you the two most popular beers in Malaysia Tiger and Chang, even though they originate elsewhere. Not the usual pies and hot dogs to eat I'm afraid, you have some local Malay delicacies to choose from namely Cucur Udang and Nasi Puteh. We have no idea what that actually is so we sent agent Musty to find out. Unfortunately he ended up shagging two birds called Cucur and Nasi so we never bloody found out.

Very important notice to all Swans fans especially Project, Vetch, Swanselona, Phil and all you others doing your sterling missionary work on the Malaysian board. There has been a lot of controversy recently with people using the term "Ting Tong" with the Legolanders taking offence. Please don't use this term anymore because the true meanings of the phrase "Ting Tong" are cow penis, goofy, mad, insane, idiot and asian lady boy ie a chineese chick with a dick. See the website for yourself. Now could you honestly say that Vinny Tan is any of those things ?

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ting-tong


One final message to those travelling. Please remember that the rest of the UK will be watching and you represent the good name of Swansea City. When the rabble start performing (and they will) please ignore them and let the police and the stewards deal with them instead. Be safe, be loud, be proud but above all else behave.


Serious bit now, don't post this thread it any part of it on their board you know you'll get a ban. Hope my fellow Jacks enjoyed the thread and it lived up to expectations. If it didn't tough and in the immortal words of PGF

DISCUSS

 

About bloody time too!!!!

You haven't mentioned that prick Mike Dean!!!

 

the biggest fail in history

 

Oh
My
God


Don't post on their board again. EVER

Think you are now public enemy number 1, what a great thread well worth the wait and the sperm comment is very accurate too

 

No need to talk about your team like that. We'll do it for you

 

A thing of beauty, such insight, such ....... I've just messed my pants !

Dilli We Are Not Worthy ! Post of the season................ so far ..........

 

Fantastic Mr Dilligaf

 

Bluebirds you just had the biggest bit of fortune pal......Mike Dean , mark my words ........

 

I liked your graffiti

 

Jonny really is gormless too

 

It took me fcuking ages , just like the monty python film.........' Life of Brian '

 

The biggest fail in history was the bluebirds attempts to reach the premiership redtit

 

Well do you like it you bastard

Was it worth the wait

 

Bluebirds ? Who are they ? The only prem team that play in predominantly blue I can think of is Everton...whats a scouser doing on here ? Are you Daijack88 in disguise?

I can remember a Championship side called the Bluebirds......

 

As the op says they are the red tits

 

Yes Dreyfus , very true..... you going to do a bit of redesigning their plumbing on Sunday ?

 

Fair play mate, great thread!

 

Yes and get Alisher Apsalyamov to fix it

 

I don't think PGF likes it, he's buggered off

 

That sounds like a disease, and a painful one. Itching all ready!!!