Just the two of us ..... (and BCFC and iluvdelia)

In the words of frank carson its a quacker

 

A German approaches a prostitute. "I vish to buy sex viz you."
"OK," says the girl, "I charge 20 an hour."
"..ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky."
"No problem," she replies, "I can do that." So they go to the girl's place, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.
"I vant zat you tie ze springs to each of your hans und knees." The girl finds this odd, but complies, fastening the springs as he had said.
"Now you vill get on your hans und knees." She does this, balancing on the springs.
"please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you." She finds it odd, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying.)
She finds the sex is fantastic, as she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller, while he shouts Audi Audi. The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced and it is several minutes before she has enough breath to speak. "That was wonderful, what do you call that position?"
Zat my dear is called "The four-sprung duck technique."

 

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Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucking images....

 

Paddy and Murphy went duck-hunting with their dogs, after a few days without success, they retired to the pub to discuss why things weren't going to plan.
After a couple of pints Paddy suddenly says, I've got it, I know what we're doing wrong!!
What's that then? Asked Murphy.
Paddy says;...........We're not throwing the dogs high enough!

 

Two Communists met each other at a nudist colony. The first one turns to the other and asks, "Have you read Marx?" The second replied, "Yes. I think it's the wicker furniture.

 

Roger Beistein died last week. He was the writer of the song Hokey Cokey. The funeral was held yesterday. All was going ok until they tried to put him in his coffin. They put the left leg in and that’s when the trouble started ....................

 

Blind bloke goes into a pub, goes up to the bar and starts whirling his dog round and round above his head by it's lead.
Whoa shouts the barman what the hell are you doing?
The blind bloke says.........Just having a look round!