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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3081
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  2. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    A man is sitting in a pub in Ireland suddenly he feels a gun being pointed at his back.
    "Catholic or Protestant?" asks the voice.
    "Jew," replies the man, calmly
    ."Cor," replies the man with the gun,
    "I must be the luckiest Arab in Ireland!"
     
    #3082
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  3. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    How does an Irishman catch a rabbit?
    Hides behind a tree and makes a noise like a lettuce!
     
    #3083
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  4. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor"s pet rabbit in his mouth.
    The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics.
    He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor"s house, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes.
    A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?"
    The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?"
    The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!"
     
    #3084
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  5. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #3085
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  6. antipodean exile

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    #3086
  7. antipodean exile

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    #3087
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  8. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  9. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  10. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3091
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3092
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3093
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3094
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3095
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  16. Wooperts_duck

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    #3096
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  17. Wooperts_duck

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    #3097
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  18. Wooperts_duck

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  19. Wooperts_duck

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  20. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
    Looking up, he asks the Lord. "God, what does a million years mean to you?"
    The Lord replies, "A minute."
    Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
    The Lord replies, "A penny."
    Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"
    The Lord replies, "In a minute"
     
    #3100
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