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JACK-ANORY FOR A FUNNY STORY - Joke Thread & Comedy Club

Discussion in 'Swansea City' started by swimaway, Jun 18, 2011.

Page 77 of 867
  1. neveroffsidereff

    neveroffsidereff Well-Known Member

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    I'll post a picture of the cup later. ;)

    But this will have to do for now. :)
     
    #1521
    neveroffsidereff, May 12, 2017
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    please log in to view this image
     
    #1522
    Wooperts_duck, May 12, 2017
    neveroffsidereff likes this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    You won't believe this neveroffsidereff, but Pompey have apparently released Calvin Davies :steam:
     
    #1523
    Wooperts_duck, May 12, 2017
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1524
    Wooperts_duck, May 12, 2017
    neveroffsidereff likes this.
  5. neveroffsidereff

    neveroffsidereff Well-Known Member

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    That's madness, the lads a quality player. My boy has just come in from work and I've told him and he can't believe it, he's there best player. Please tell me that Christian Oxlade Chambelain has been released as well?
     
    #1525
    neveroffsidereff, May 12, 2017
  6. neveroffsidereff

    neveroffsidereff Well-Known Member

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    Brilliant!!

    They still have the FA Cup image of Crouch, James and Defoe at the Fratton End.
     
    #1526
    neveroffsidereff, May 12, 2017
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary.
    Their domestic bliss had long been the talk of the town.
    A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
    Well it dates back to our honeymoon, explained the woman.
    We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule.
    We hadn't gone too far when my mule stumbled. My husband quietly said, "that"s once".
    We proceeded a little further when the mule stumbled again. Once more he said quietly, "that�s twice".
    We hadn't gone a half mile when the mule stumbled a third time.
    He promptly removed a gun from his pocket and shot the mule.
    Well, of course, I started to protest over his treatment of the mule.
    He looked at me and quietly said, "that's once"..."
     
    #1527
    Wooperts_duck, May 12, 2017
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I haven't heard anything about Christian O-C at all. He spent last season on loan to Eastbourne Borough, managed by ex- Saints player Tommy Widdrington.
     
    #1528
    Wooperts_duck, May 12, 2017
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My wife"s spent hours in the back garden today.

    Suppose I"d better go unlock the back door.
     
    #1529
    Wooperts_duck, May 12, 2017
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    "Push harder!" I shouted to my wife whilst she was in labour. "f**k off you bastard!" She screamed back at me.

    Bit harsh I thought, it wasn't my bloody fault the car broke down on the way to the Hospital!
     
    #1530
    Wooperts_duck, May 12, 2017

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Halal meat - how you greet your friends if you live in Newcastle.
     
    #1531
    Wooperts_duck, May 12, 2017
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I just got asked the time by an DHL delivery driver.

    So I told the ba*tard it was between 8am and 1pm!
     
    #1532
    Wooperts_duck, May 12, 2017
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    This girl was riding in a car with her boyfriend. She got bored and said "Every time you speed up 5MPH I"ll take some clothes off."
    Well, this went on for about 15 minutes until she was naked and he was going about 95MPH.
    They lost control of the car and crashed into a tree.The guy was hurt pretty badly and his car door was crushed to the point where he couldn"t open it.
    His naked girlfriend was fine and could get out of the car. So, she took her boyfriend"s shoe and put it in front of her beaver and covered her chest with her arm.
    She flagged down a car.
    Without thinking she said "HELP MY BOYFRIEND IS STUCK AND HE CAN"T GET OUT!!"
    The guy in the car looked at the shoe on her crotch and his eyes got really big.
    He said "If he is that far in, he"s not coming out!"
     
    #1533
    Wooperts_duck, May 12, 2017
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1534
    Wooperts_duck, May 12, 2017
    neveroffsidereff likes this.
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A black guy dies and goes to heaven.
    At the pearly gates he is greeted by St Peter.
    St Peter says, "heaven is very full at the moment and we are only accepting people who have done something amazing.
    Have you ever done anything amazing?".
    The black guy says, "in fact I have. I f*cked the daughter of the imperial dragon of the Klu Klux Klan."
    "Wow," says St Peter, "that is amazing! When was that?"
    To which the black guy replies, "oh, about five minutes ago"
     
    #1535
    Wooperts_duck, May 12, 2017
  16. neveroffsidereff

    neveroffsidereff Well-Known Member

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    #1536
    neveroffsidereff, May 12, 2017
    Taffvalerowdy, swantastic and Wooperts_duck like this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Great picture !! Hope your lad can make the grade - how old is he now ? What position does he play ?
     
    #1537
    Wooperts_duck, May 12, 2017
  18. neveroffsidereff

    neveroffsidereff Well-Known Member

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    19, he's a converted from a left winger to left back. He's not staying on, has a couple of games left if they win all three they should beat Reading to the title, so long as Reading draw one game. He wants to go into coaching side of the game.
     
    #1538
    neveroffsidereff, May 12, 2017
  19. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    I read that one third of people cheat in their relationships.

    I can't make up my mind whether it’s my wife or my girlfriend.
     
    #1539
    swantastic, May 12, 2017
    neveroffsidereff likes this.
  20. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    .German bloke approaches a prostitute and says " I vish to buy sex vit you"

    "OK" says the girl, "I'll charge 100 quid an hour"

    "Is goot" says the German, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky"

    "No problem" she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky"

    So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bed
    springs and a duck caller.

    "I vant you to tie ze springs to each of your limbs."

    The girl finds this very strange, but complies, fastening the springs to her
    hands and knees.

    "Now you vill get on your hans and knees."

    She duly does this, balancing on the springs.

    "You vill please blow zis vistle as I make love to you."

    She finds all this very odd, but figures it's harmless, and after all the
    bloke is paying.

    The sex is fantastic. She is bounced all over the room by the energetic
    German, all the time honking on the duck caller. The climax is the most
    sensational she has ever experienced, and it is several minutes before she has
    recovered her breath.

    Finally she gasps "That was totally amazing....... what do you call that?"



    "Ah", says the German, "Four-sprung duck technique
     
    #1540
    swantastic, May 18, 2017
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