I would just like to say goodbye to the many friends I have made on here across the years. Personal circumstances have meant that I have absented myself for extended periods two or three times but I have now decided to leave this board for good. I have struggled to hold it together these last five years - yesterday happened to be the 5th anniversary of the day a very clever surgeon cut out a tumour the size of a rugby ball from my wife's stomach. I cried in an open cafe when I took the news on my mobile that she had survived the six hour operation - people around me must have thought me mad. I could not wait for her to come round from the anaesthetic and to see me again - something I had not dared to expect. Those were the longest hours of my life. For a while tests showed no new cancer but after a year it returned. Different drugs hold the tumour at bay but each month the side effects increase. We are now at the position that a trip to the supermarket has to be planned carefully to make sure that my wife (J) can make it. It is the first thing on our minds in the morning and the last at night – and dreams do not give you peace either. Recently there has been a question of a brain tumour and now the shadow she has developed on her heart has tripled in size - the medication to control it fights against the cancer medication so you cannot win. I am just too depressed and too angry these days. I come on here for a while most afternoons while J has a sleep. It has been an escape but to be honest my heart is not in it. I cannot leave J on her own at all so the chance of seeing Watford play live has gone forever for me. J could not make it to a match let alone be able to sit through one. So although I still love Watford and watch for the results etc etc it is not the same. I thought having five children would help but they have their own busy lives to live and truly do not begin to understand what J and I experience on a daily basis. We are on our own in this – and really feel it. You read about MacMillan and Marie Curie nurses etc but they have been no help whatsoever. In fact platitudes like “learning to live with dying as well as living” or “take each day as it comes” or “you have to think positively” make you want to scream. J was unable to cope with speaking to our former friends and she has severed all contact with them which only increases our isolation – our fault though I guess. Over the last year my blood pressure has risen continuously and I fear having a stroke or worse and thus instead of being able to help J I could be a burden. Depression is rarely mentioned in our society as we are not supposed to talk about it but I remember a time when I thought was happy but now I know that I will never be happy again. I know my outcome and it is only timing that is uncertain. For anyone who has read this dirge this far I am sorry. I did not set out to be so miserable but at times it is too hard to be otherwise. I remember once having faith – when you lose that you lose more than you think yet now I hate even the concept of a loving god. I had hoped that coming back to not606 and immersing myself in match threads etc would help but to be honest I don’t think anything will and I am just too tired all the time now. So again a fond farewell to you all. I am not a diva and do not have an inflated ego so will not read any responses to this thread. Indeed if it is deemed inappropriate then maybe a mod can delete it. Cheerio and COYH
I am so sorry to read these words Lenny, I have really no idea just how tough life has been for both of you over the past few years - so no platitudes from me. It has been wonderful reading your thoughts and opinions over the years on 606 and not606 and I will really miss your contribution - for me, I always looked forward to reading them and your recent match threads have been up there with the best. I wish you both peace and some happiness in these dark days, and my love, prayers and wishes are with you and your family - I will think of you all every time our beloved Watford kick-off.
This is sad day for us as much as it must be for Leo. Some of us did know how life had turned so badly wrong when they had to leave their beloved small holding in Wales in order to seek treatment from a leading cancer hospital. Every day for several years I have given them some thought on the basis that friends have told me that it does help to know that others are thinking about them. Leo said it was appreciated, so I will continue. Although this is only a football forum, it has been populated by a group of people who have shown concern when a member has been having troubles, but it says something about the trust that exists for someone to feel they can share that trouble. For those who think that sort of trust is of no matter here, all I can say you are on a different planet to me. The more concern we have for others in general can only enrich our own lives.
It was not impossible to see this coming but very sad nevertheless. I'm particularly upset to hear that Leo felt the MacMillan nurses have been little help. Having been through this myself I can only say that without them I don't know how I would have coped. They were, right to the end, calm, patient, caring and good humoured and enabled my wife to be looked after in her own home rather than the impersonality of hospice or hospital. What I found was that support disappeared after she died and coping with the loss, depression, grief etc on my own was tough. It's 15 years ago now but images from that time are still deeply imprinted on my mind. I wish their was some way of offering support but it's difficult to know what, other than writing which I will do.
We crossed swords (my fault entirely) but I came to respect your postings even if I didn't always agree. In particular I always enjoyed your, and others, reminiscences of the old days at the Vic when none of you could have imagined what the future was going to hold. Always nice to hear the likes of Welborn and Endean held in the same high regard as the Blissets, Barnesies and Denneys. Your match day threads were superb particularly as you'd made it clear in the summer that you would struggle with the graphics - some struggle Like others I don't really want to resort to platitudes but you will be missed.
Leo, I can only repeat what others have said, I too will miss your imput which was always well thought out and meticulously presentd. You made me feel welcome when some of my own team's posted did not! I'm thankful I saw you both on escape to the country, it gives me a picture of you both to hang on to! I wish you both peace and love and be sure you will always be in our thoughts!
Lenny (Mott the Hoople) (What a band!) I will always be here from you. I have very much valued our behind the scenes so to speak communications... and your humanity and integrity. Be in touch any time........ ... and feel free,,, truly,,,, to come back here when you like,,,
Leo, I can't think of anything to say that hasn't already been said. Health and family have to come first, so all the best.
Leo we will miss you. You are always welcome on here no matter how brief your visits may be. Family and loved ones do come first and although we are here a kind of 'online' family none of us can offer anything more than moral support and words.....which are really not much. If you will, in addition, accept prayers from a believer (you old atheist !) then do so.
Dearest Leonardo, I am sure you won't read this but just in case I hope you know from words that have already been said how much you will be thought of and how we all hope that you and your good lady wife find strength together through these darkest of days. We will always be here for you should you ever pop in, the Watford family, your Watford family. Bless you both, always in our thoughts.
Over my time with this group i have seen people come and go .It is always sad as i look upon everyone hear as family .Unlike a lot of other clubs we don't have as many glory hunters. I have not met anyone but feel i know a lot of you .
Leo's post brought tears to my eyes. Most of us will have no idea what he and his wife have been going through and they sound so brave in the face of this adversity. I cannot really add to what has been said so well by others already. Leo said he would not read the replies but I hope he does pop back for a moment to read what has been said, the love and feelings here may make him feel better for a brief moment.
I just hope Leo finds the strength to cope with the relatively harsh circumstances he finds himself in. There's no solace in watching your beloved die, particularly given everything they've been through. Anger, hate, pity, helplessness, the futility of it all. It takes its toll on all of us and we learn to cope, or otherwise. It is time for Leo to do what really matters which is to support his wife as best he can, in the knowledge that we, his "virtual mates" as it were, offer him a place to talk if he wants to, prayers from those who believe in such things and positive vibes from others of a spiritual nature. It is nearing time for Leo to let go, the moments before acceptance are usually our darkest (I write from experience) and these are probably his darkest hours. So long as we are ready to welcome him should he decide to return then that, without intrusion, is the best we can do.
This news has left me sad and angry. Leo needs and deserves all the help and support that we can give him. He won't read this now, but hopefully he will some time in the future. If anyone is in contact with him privately, I hope they will pass on these messages of support. On a more general note, I find it sad that many of the old stalwarts of this board feel that they are being forced off it because of the abrasiveness of one or two individuals. I will miss Leo, as I miss BB and the others. Words can hurt. We should all be mindful of what we say.
Leo, I am distraught. I shall be thinking of you and J as I often do. It's a great pity that you haven't been able to find the diversion and solace from the board, but it's totally understandable. I hope you can find strength from somewhere to continue to face the days ahead, that you find the support that you need, and I wish you both peace from the bottom of my heart.
