Off Topic AS IT'S DECEMBER HERE IS THE XMAS THREAD

Nice feeling having all the shopping done, been in the gym and can now relax, wrap some pressies, watch Home Alone and have a shot of Jack Daniels Winter Jack

 

http://waterfordwhispersnews.com/20...***e-from-shelves-as-husbands-begin-shopping/

Shops Expected To Clear Remaining ****e From Shelves As Husbands Begin Shopping
December 23, 2014 - BREAKING NEWS, LIFESTYLE

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EAGER retailers have welcomed the sight of thousands of husbands arriving at shopping centres across the country today as they begin their annual last minute dash for whatever ****e is left on the shelves, WWN can reveal.

While some 80% of husbands will actually leave it until 4pm tomorrow to begin shopping, they could well find that the assortment of ****e left on the shelves is significantly reduced thanks to the early bird husbands currently foraging for presents.

“We’ve actually emptied our bins out onto the shelves as of 11am today, as we know husbands traditionally begin to arrive at this time,” explained retailed Martin Cunningham, “our first husband of the day bought a half-eaten sandwich, said it was perfect for the missus”.

Husbands, famed for their inability to take heed of the Christmas present hints dropped by their wives as early as July, were more upbeat about their prospects.


“Ah, there are still some great bargains out there,” explained husband David Rogan, “I’m not into this mad rush in November getting everything sorted,” added the man who will shortly purchase a paint brush for his wife Ainé, who has no interest in such things.

Retailers have taken to capitalise on the yearly event which has now become part of the Christmas experience for almost all shoppers.

“We now sell tickets in the shop so people can watch husbands come in and panic buy something ridiculous. We’ve actually put in 40 seats there behind the tills,” explained shop owner Orla Cashin, “the VIP tickets allow you a seat right next to the register so you can observe a man purchasing something entirely inappropriate while he wears the expression of someone who has cured cancer”.

Up to the minute surveying of husbands shopping revealed that only 1 in every 50 of them were shopping with a pronounced sense of fear and panic.

“Jesus, the amount of stress some people go through is ridiculous, sure just take a leaf out of our book – hassle free, in and out in 10 minutes. Done,” offered Dublin husbands Cormac Lyons as he loaded a 12 foot marble statue of a goat giving birth to Dáithí Ó Sé onto the roof of his car.

 

I don't think I've ever had to shop on Xmas Eve.

I was 80% done by Dec1st

 

Happy wintery festive day that Santa came out of a bauble that came out of an egg pooped out by the Easter bunny under the baby jesus' manger all organised by god

 

Daily Fail PIC of the Southampton team in Christmas mood before their game with the Spuds.

Check out the feller next to the elf.......

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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/ar...m-swoop-Southampton-centre-back.html#comments

 

For the first time in a decade I'm going to bed Xmas Eve. Usually wrapping late into the night or assembling dolls houses or crap like that... But no. I'm actually going to bed on Xmas Eve.

A Xmas miracle.

 

Merry Christmas you bunch of tossers, hope you and your families have a happy, healthy and festive crimbo!

 

Merry Xmas you fabulous feckers...

Despite being in Mancland it's been great so far...

Yesterday took Dog to the pub. Got home and Forced by Sis to wear family matching Xmas pyjamas to watch Elf. Got drunk.

Up early to watch wee nephew open presents...walk in Park, now on the fizz waiting for dinner....

Excellent.

 

You went to bed at 4.49am on Christmas Day.

 

Actually, I had been in bed a few minutes when I sent that. I was on the phone whilst waiting for the Mrs to join me.

Reading not606 to get me in the mood...

For sex

For sleep.

 

Hope you all had great day. Merry Christmas.

 

You too dirty fecking manc

 

You too mate

 

I was wrapping bastard presents at 2 am, and my 10yr old got up at 4 am. Politely told her it was too early and to go back to bed lol.

 

that reminds me of my mum who loved christmas to the extreme she would wake us up in the early hours to open our presents with the saying " wake up santas been" .
still remember one tear when she did that and i asked her what tie it was
Mum " just before 6 o clock"
Me " dear god i only got tot home at 4 o clock"

i was 19 by then but she did it

 

Christmas day was beautiful. Warm, sunny, blue skies. Wish I got to spend more time outside. Boxing day, I'm physically able to go outside, no guests, no rush and hubbub but it's wet and dreary.

 

There is nothing more fulfilling than seeing a 4 year old sing i wish it could be christmas every day with a twinkle in his little eyes.....

Knowing fill bloody well hes winding the **** out of his sister cos hes stopping her singing thecsing she wanted to.

Brings a tear to my eye knowing ive raised him well.

.........

My christmas story is as follows.

1. Christmas eve eve i got all wrapping done and i had made a paper mache bauble for each kid stiffed with toys. Took ages all week.

2. Got all presents in car and home by 4pm. Normally its all night ****e.

3. 4 year old gets a head cold christmas eve and is really hoarse

4. Wifey gets offended i want to get this shot done at 11:30pm.. ****

5. Go collect the stupid teen 17 and off out so i collect and am told 7am im waking them up. I say he needs to sleep please leave him alone hes sick

6. Wife stretches present to 2am.. it could have been done at midnight.

7. Am woken at 5:30am cos stupid teen wakes kids up.

8. Have fry at 8am. Teen ****ed off to bed like the total **** she is... misses the fry.

9. Start dinner at 10:30 and have not got it done andserved til 2:30. Usual Turkey, ham and such. I always cook.

10. Karma. teen gets a neck pain thats crippling having slept badly from 8 til 11. Exvellent karma imo.

11. Teenage mutant ninja turtles n loads of toys to play with.

 

Does anybody want Ice Cream with their mince pie ??

 

Already sick of Valentine's day.

Went out to return a few gifts we didn't give kids (they got other stuff instead don't worry). The stores are already decked out in red and pink with hearts everywhere.

 

It's a bit late, but it is the thought that counts