Off Topic Alien's Are Here

A friend of mine has IBS (although if he stopped smoking weed and ate right he might find he doesn't). I can't really imagine not being able to enjoy your morning dump. One of life's great pleasures.

 

I like to hold mine in and squeeze it out slow and steady until my eyes roll into the back of my head

 

We still talking dumps here?!

 

There's nothing like the sound or the sensation of one's arse closing with a bang when you drop a big jobbie that's not tapered.

 

Ha ha

 

I like the **** coming out , but I'm always alarmed when you clench up too early, it breaks the **** in half and you feel the hull sliding back in

Hate that !

 

That often happens to me if I get caught short when walking the dog and I have to take evasive action because someone's coming.
The problem is that invariably I have to wipe my arse with dock leaves and for the rest of the walk the tortoise's head keeps popping out for more greenery.

 

I once took a crap into a river thinking nobody was around, however a few minutes later a couple appeared , so I asked how long they had been there to which they replied long enough to see you crap in the river lol

 

I'm not sure I want to know the whole reasoning or scenario here.

 

You should have told them you were playing grown up " poo sticks "

 

Has anyone else experienced a phantom poo?
You have one but it's already made its way round the u bend and it was such a clean break that nothing is on the paper and you're left wondering if you actually had one

 

Poo aside - though phantom ****s are a fascinating phenomenon - the reason for the dinosaurs lack of achievement is that they had **** brains. Human brains, on the other hand, are dead good with coming up with stuff.

Which is why I am ****ing stuck in the hell that is edinburgh airport.

 

Just in regards to the op title I'm somewhat surprised that this isn't a well established fact accepted by all sentient beings.

I mean after all we did have Obertron "playing" for us for a number of years.!!

 

Where did he go? Out on loan, out of contract or taken back to the mother ship.

 

I am with CC.

 

Didn't someone publish a theory that aliens sent criminals to this planet and that's where our race came from. Was meant to explain why we have been a viscious species constantly fighting and killing etc.

Total bullsh*t of course but interesting nevertheless.

 

Not aliens but interesting nonetheless.
With computers getting more and more powerful and AI in games getting more advance there could be a day where the characters in the game start believing they are real.
If you can believe that could happen then what's to say it hasn't already happened (us)?

 

This thread just hurts my brain to much. Can we not just blame pardew......

 

What's he doing?