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Off Topic A Light-Hearted Response To Threat Levels

Discussion in 'Queens Park Rangers' started by Stroller, May 25, 2017.

  1. Stroller

    Stroller Well-Known Member

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    #1
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  2. CORKeR

    CORKeR Well-Known Member

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    You're in airport departures and the thought "I think I left the immersion on" flashes across your mind.
     
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  3. 1982_Ranger

    1982_Ranger Well-Known Member

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    When you go to make a phone call in the office, but accidentally intercept an incoming call and end up sounding like a confused gibbering idiot to the person on the other end.
     
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  4. Ninj

    Ninj Well-Known Member

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    Redknapp and Hughes returning to manage QPR
     
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  5. sb_73

    sb_73 Well-Known Member

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    ALERTS TO TERROR THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE
    By John Cleese

    The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed"to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

    The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's Get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

    The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

    Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

    The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

    Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

    John Cleese – British writer, actor and tall person
     
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  6. Uber_Hoop

    Uber_Hoop Well-Known Member

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    I rather enjoyed Kryten's response to Lister's instruction that Red Dwarf raise the 'alert' from amber to red. He said something along the lines of,"are you sure, sir, because it does mean having to change the bulb?"
     
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