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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Premature ejaculator seeks bubbly, blonde female with big ti...

    Hang on, doesn't matter now.
     
    #2481
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 25, 2017
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A farmer buys a young Cock. As soon as he gets it home,it f*cks all the 150 hens.

    The farmer is impressed. At lunch the Cock again screws all 150 hens. Next day,it's f*cking the Ducks,and the Geese too.

    Sadly,later in the day,he finds the Cock lying on the ground half-dead,and Vultures circling overhead. Farmer says,"You deserved it,you Horny B*stard!"

    The Cock opens one eye, points up and says..........."Ssshhh. They're about to land!!"
     
    #2482
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 25, 2017
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  3. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    What do you call a Frenchman killed in battle?
    The slowest runner.
     
    #2483
    antipodean exile, Jun 26, 2017
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  4. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    I staggered in pissed out of my head last night.
    My wife stormed up to me and punched me in the face.
    I said "You should be a boxer"She said
    "Why, am I a hard puncher?"
    I said "No, your nose is flat and bent and you"re ugly".
     
    #2484
    antipodean exile, Jun 26, 2017
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  5. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    Mick: "Do you have an idol?"
    Paddy: "Yes, my dad. I worship the ground he rolls on."
    Mick: "Rolls? Is he in a wheelchair?"
    Paddy: "No, he"s a drunk."
     
    #2485
    antipodean exile, Jun 26, 2017
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  6. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    please log in to view this image
     
    #2486
    antipodean exile, Jun 26, 2017
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  7. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #2487
    antipodean exile, Jun 26, 2017
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  8. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    upload_2017-6-26_10-37-5.jpeg
     
    #2488
    antipodean exile, Jun 26, 2017
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  9. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #2489
    antipodean exile, Jun 26, 2017
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  10. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #2490
    antipodean exile, Jun 26, 2017
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2491
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 26, 2017
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  12. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    For eighteen years my husband and I were the happiest people in the world!
    Then we met.
     
    #2492
    antipodean exile, Jun 27, 2017
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  13. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    I went to the doctor today to talk about contraception.
    She said "You could try French letters".
    I said "What"s that?"
    She said "Condoms"
    I said "I don"t like them".
    So she said "You should try the French Army method then".
    I said "What"s that?"
    She said "You pull out before you get into trouble!".
     
    #2493
    antipodean exile, Jun 27, 2017
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  14. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #2494
    antipodean exile, Jun 27, 2017
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  15. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #2495
    antipodean exile, Jun 27, 2017
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  16. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #2496
    antipodean exile, Jun 27, 2017
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  17. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #2497
    antipodean exile, Jun 27, 2017
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I got thrown out of the cinema for taking my own food yesterday.

    Been ages since I've had a barbecue.
     
    #2498
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 27, 2017
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2499
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 27, 2017
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2500
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 27, 2017
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