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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1701
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 26, 2017
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I was driving around the other day and started feeling really horny. So I decided to swing by this well known dogging spot that was close by. There were a few other cars there so I pulled up and joined in.

    I had a great time, but I think I failed my driving test.
     
    #1702
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 26, 2017
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  3. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #1703
    antipodean exile, Mar 26, 2017
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  4. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    Two Irishmen had a nightmare day visting the sperm bank in London.
    Paddy missed the tube and Murphy came on the bus.
     
    #1704
    antipodean exile, Mar 26, 2017
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  5. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    Q: What is the medical term for the fatty tissue, surrounding the clitoris?
    A: The wife
     
    #1705
    antipodean exile, Mar 27, 2017
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    If there's any vegetarians out there who fancy a very tasty snack, but want the guarantee that there is no meat in it whatsoever, I suggest a steak bake from Gregg's.
     
    #1706
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 27, 2017
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The wife and I went to a bank robbers-themed fancy dress party last night.

    Well I did. She stayed in the car, keeping the engine running.
     
    #1707
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 27, 2017
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Any Call of Duty players? I have this problem. I just finished a team death match game and I went to see stats but the stats I'm looking for are not showing up and now that the girls have stopped reading this does anybody know a good porn site?
     
    #1708
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 27, 2017
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  9. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    A blonde called Margaret Sh*thouse decides she has lived long enough with her embarrassing name, so she goes to the solicitors to change her name by deed poll.
    The solicitor asks "What would you like it changed to?"
    She replies "Samantha"
     
    #1709
    antipodean exile, Mar 27, 2017
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  10. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    "I'm a great supporter of feminism; the sooner women can do our jobs for us the better.
     
    #1710
    antipodean exile, Mar 27, 2017
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  11. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    I"ve got a serious crack problem.
    I"m not getting any.
     
    #1711
    antipodean exile, Mar 27, 2017
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  12. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #1712
    antipodean exile, Mar 27, 2017
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  13. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #1713
    antipodean exile, Mar 27, 2017
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  14. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #1714
    antipodean exile, Mar 28, 2017
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  15. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #1715
    antipodean exile, Mar 28, 2017
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  16. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #1716
    antipodean exile, Mar 28, 2017
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    If I had a penny for every time someone called me sexist...

    I'd probably be earning more than the average woman.
     
    #1717
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 28, 2017
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Mens handy hints No 1.

    If your girlfriend catches you looking at another woman, turn to her and say, "I’m glad you don’t dress like that."
     
    #1718
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 28, 2017
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1719
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 28, 2017
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Wish me luck in this year's London Marathon. I managed 3 hours, 12 minutes and 9 seconds last year.

    This year I will try to beat that, but I usually get bored and turn over to watch something else.
     
    #1720
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 28, 2017
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